heartbreak girl | s.m.

56 | october

chapter playlist ⏯
• last december - nina nesbitt
• please - jeremy zucker & chelsea cutler
• 25 in barcelona - jp saxe

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october
gemma <<<

"It's actually pretty rude of you to go to LA and just leave me here," Jesse said to me as he helped me carry my suitcase to his car.

"Sorry. I have a goddaughter, and I've known her longer," I told him."

I'm leaving for LA tomorrow morning to visit Brad, Edith, and Gabby. Gabby's birthday is coming up in a week or so, and the party is this weekend, so Edith invited me out there to celebrate with them. I obviously accepted, because I'll take any opportunity to see them, and also because I really don't have much else going on in my life. Also, I can't really plan trips to LA on my own, since I don't want to risk the chance of running into Shawn. I know it's stupid to worry about running into someone in a city of four million people, but we have many of the same friends and go to many of the same places, so it's very possible. And the thought stresses me out. Especially if I ran into him with his new girlfriend. Can you say anxiety?

Thankfully, those lovebirds will be in Vegas while I'm there, or so Edith reassures me. No chance of seeing him, which is exactly what I want.

My birthday is on Monday, which is also the day that I'm flying back to New York. I like it that way; I'm not going to get home until dinner time, so I'm just going to have a full day by myself. It'll be nice. Then the next day, Jess promises me he's going to take me out or whatever. I don't know.

"I'm going to be bored," Jesse whined.

"Hang out with one of your other friends for a change," I told him.

"I don't like them as much as I like you."

"Well, maybe you should take this opportunity to meet a girl," I suggested. "That could be a fun weekend activity."

He gave me a look. "I already met a girl."

"A girl who's not me," I said.

He frowned. "Why would I want that?"

"You're going to have to start wanting that."

"Why?" he asked. Then he gasped. "Are you going back there to rekindle your romance with Shawn? Because if that's what happens, I'm going to be pissed."

I gave him a doubtful look. "He's not even going to be in town. He'll be in Vegas with his new girlfriend."

Jess examined me for a second. "Do you think it's too soon for him to have another girlfriend?"

What has it been, eight months since we broke up? "No. Not at all."

"Do you still want to be with him?"

Yes.

"No," I answered.

"So why do you sound so bitter?" he questioned.

I sighed. "Because...I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of jealous, if I'm honest. I just miss how it felt when I was the girl he spent all his time with, and I just don't want to see him with another girl like he was with me. It always hurts to see your ex move on, you know? It sucks to see that you're replaceable."