heartbreak girl | s.m.

23 | silent treatment

chapter playlist ⏯
• choose - why don't we
• enemies - lauv
• worthy of you - plested

———
the next day
gemma clark

I woke up and was forced to remember last night. For a few moments, I was obliviously content with my life, until the memories flooded back in, and I remembered. The whole thing was so tragic.

I grabbed my phone off my nightstand, rolling onto my side to look at the screen. Seeing that I had messages from him made me happy and sad at the same time.

shawn
hey gem.

A few minutes later...

shawn
i'm sorry about last night...i really want to talk, as long as you want to. if not, that's cool too.

About an hour later, he sent another message. Maybe he thought I was ignoring him, when in reality I was just sleeping.

shawn
it's okay if you don't want to talk. i will. i'm sorry about last night. i really am. i hate the fact that you feel the way you do, because the last thing i want is for you to be sad or mad or upset because of me. i don't feel great about any of it either, believe me. i think i slept for a total of twenty minutes last night because all i could think about was you and how you felt. i get it if you're mad at me, or annoyed with me, or whatever, but just know that i never wanted to hurt you or make you feel this way. which is a lame thing to say, i know, but it's true. and if you would just talk to me, then we could figure it out.

shawn
i will literally do anything in the world to make you happy. seriously, it's stupid what i would do for you. all you have to do is say something

Then another message a little while later.

shawn
okay, okay. i'm taking the hint. but i got you something, & i left it outside your door.

shawn
i'm realizing how creepy i sounded right there, and i just want to let you know that this isn't creepy at all. i'll stop bothering you now

I put my phone down and laid back in my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I guess it's noon, and I should probably get up. I pulled myself out of bed and walked towards the kitchen, yawning as I walked past the front door, standing in front of it for a moment and debating on if I should actually open it. What if it's a trap? Or worse, what if he's standing there?

I opened the door, and a bouquet of roses was right there on my doorstep, making me shake my head. I picked up the card perched on the flowers.

you said you liked red roses and jake always got you yellow ones. i like red too

i'm sorry, gemma rose (haha get it?)

p.s. i know this is super lame, but so am i

He is so frustrating. This was sweet, but I'm not just going to forget about what happened because of it. And he's right about the roses. All I've ever wanted was a nice bouquet of red roses, just like every girl in the world wants, but Jake insisted on yellow ones. The "happy" kind, he claimed. Yellow roses are pretty, sure, and I get that he wanted to be different and not generic, but sometimes generic is good. Sometimes I just wanted to be normal, instead of always being the odd one out. I appreciated it, nonetheless, but I'm not really a big fan of yellow roses anymore.

I wanted to be mad at Shawn still, but it was kind of hard. I knew this was all sincere, but still. None of this changes what happened last night. The pretty flowers and the cute messages...it doesn't fix what happened. It makes me reluctantly fall in love with him, but it certainly doesn't fix anything.