I Won't Give Up (A Big Time Rush Fanfiction)

Not Alone

I picked a theme song for this story! It's Who You Are by Jessie J :) xoxoxo, Brooke

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Today, Logan would be getting the cancer in his leg removed, by removing the lower half of his right leg. The strange thing was that his friends and his girlfriend seemed more anxious than he did. His whole attitude (so I thought) was “I may not have a leg anymore, but at least I won’t have cancer.” I never knew how to react to that because I didn’t understand how anyone could be so calm when they were about to lose a leg.

“You’re not even a little nervous?”

“Not really.” Logan shrugged. He was wearing the blue hospital gown and it only served to remind me of what was to come. He told me that the operation would take about four to six hours and even though it wasn’t me getting it done, it still scared me because Logan had become a friend of mine, a good one, and I hated that this was happening to him. I was truly amazed that he was handling this as well as he was.

“So you’re really not even the least bit scared about it? Logan--”

“James, I already told you. I’m fine.”

It seemed like I had been less inclined to believe those words since he told me about his family problems. I was always asking him if he was okay and all he would say was ‘i’m fine’.  I wasn’t sure if I was just being paranoid or if he was lying about being fine. Maybe he was just a lot stronger than I gave him credit for.

“Look, you can tell me if--”

“James, please, I’m okay. I promise.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze, inhaling as Dr. Johnston, his surgeon, entered.  If that didn’t indicate anxiety, I didn’t know what would. I gave the doctor and nurse behind him a short wave, giving Logan one last look before exiting. 

No one was really around to keep me company for the next four hours. Kendall, Carlos, Jade, and Camille had all gone to a group therapy session, Jo was doing chemo today, Stephanie was still in a coma, and I highly doubted that any of the doctors or nurses had time to sit and keep me from having an anxiety attack.

Of course, there was always McKinley. She had already seen Logan and had been sitting in the waiting room for the past ten minutes. I walked over and sat beside her, leaning my head back against the wall and closing my eyes. Maybe I could nap and Logan would be out of the operating room by the time I woke up.

“I just want him to be okay.”

“We all want that.” I said, looking at her with understanding. It was clear that she loved him and I could imagine that it was hard knowing that he would walk with a prosthetic leg for the rest of his life. He was strong, though. He seemed to handle his health problems better than any of us handled our own. 

“I just....I want him to be normal. Before the cancer, he could do backflips and he played hockey, and we’d chase each other around the house, and--” She sniffled, wiping her eyes with a tissue. I was hesitant to do this, but I reached out and put my arm around her, hoping I could comfort her, if only a little bit.

“He is gonna get through this.” I told her, even though I rarely tried to comfort anyone. I’d never been very good at it. I always ended up stumbling over my words and saying something less helpful than I intended.

“I hope so.” McKinley sighed. I didn’t expect her to lay her head on my shoulder, but I mean, this girl was just desperate for comfort. It seemed like we all needed that right now. Too bad I didn’t have any hair, because one of the most comforting gestures I’d experienced was someone, usually my mom, running their fingers through my hair while I tried to take a nice nap.