I Won't Give Up (A Big Time Rush Fanfiction)

Fear

I saw The Fault In Our Stars and it made me cry ;.; Anyway, I also keep finding songs that I feel can relate to the story and so I'm starting to form an entire playlist/soundtrack for this :) xoxoxo, Brooke

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I went to my first haunted house when I was eight years old and, needless to say, it sort of scarred me for life. No, really, it completely and totally messed with my mind. The way everyday people could play a part so realistically when in reality, no such things exist. Being the impressionable young thing that I was, I actually believed that the vampire was real and wanted to suck my blood. Meanwhile, my friends laughed. Loud, obnoxious guffawing that made me question their sanity for a second. I hightailed it out of there as fast as I could because I didn’t want to lose my blood to a fictional monster.

I spent years being afraid of something that wasn’t even real. I use to avoid horror movies like the plague and my idea of a Halloween celebration was stealing candy from my mom’s candy bowl. 

When I look back on it now, I don’t think it was the vampire than I was afraid of. It was death. It was an irrational fear, though. Deep down, I knew I wouldn’t die anytime soon, but the idea of it frightened me. I never once pictured myself being put in a situation where I would be staring death in the face, not knowing when it would take me.

I should have been afraid, but I wasn’t. My uncle once told me that fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. I didn’t understand it then. Fear is real. It’s very real and it has the ability to completely destroy you from the inside out. Then, as I was laying in bed one night, tired and sick from chemotherapy, I gave it careful thought. Fear can’t destroy you if you don’t let it. And I was afraid of things when there was nothing to fear at all.

Everyone fears the unknown. At least most people I knew. I still can admit to wishing I could know what would happen next. But we’re not meant to know it all yet. Life is like a book. It’s a drama, it’s a comedy, even a romance if you’re into that, and no one wants the ending of a book to be spoiled, told to them before they’d even gotten a chance to experience it for themselves.

So I was living in the moment.

Right here, right now.

In the pediatric ward of Grand Marais Medical Center, decorating for the most terrifying time of the year. 

“I’m getting out next week.” Carlos’ eyes were shining brighter than they had since I first met him. I could only smile in response, but inside, my heart couldn’t help sinking a little bit. Pretty soon, every single one of my friends here would be released, and I would be the last one left. I would be here all alone.

“That’s great.” I drew some ghost shapes on the white banner. Happy Halloween!, it said in big black letters, with orange swirls surrounding them. Jade was on the opposite side of the hallway, hanging some cut outs of black cats and witches, and I smiled to myself.

“You like her, don’t you?”

“Carlos--”

“Admit it. You luvvvvv her.”

“Shut up!”

“Okay, okay, but I stand by my previous statement.” He went back to drawing on the banner, while I resisted the urge to smack him with my paintbrush. I was sure that my cheeks were turning red, but I prayed to God that Carlos wouldn’t notice. The very last thing I needed was more teasing.

Then I heard Jade’s soft laugh and a smile came upon my lips, much to my utter humiliation. I could feel Carlos’ eyes staring into me, silently teasing, laughing at my expense. I didn’t understand the humor in the fact that a part of me did like Jade. She was different. To me, different was beautiful.