Walk on the Beach - R5 Fanfic

Chapter 52

Days had passed, normal routine. Well, normal with extra crying, confusion of feelings, and trying to figure out where I am in my life right now. I had talked to Josh throughout these days, not about what has been going on between us, just regular conversatioin. He had started sitting at our table again at lunch, which made me kind of happy.

I also told Jenna where I am with Josh. When she asked why I had said no, I gave her the rundown of what is going down in my head.

I hadn't realized why I said no myself until I really thought about it. I figure I said it beacause of a few reasons.

1. Ross just broke up with me, and I feel it would be wrong to instantly latch on to another guy. Especially Josh. I still have feelings for Ross, or at least I must because he is what I have been crying over for the past few days. (Almost a week now.)

2. What has happened with Josh, makes me nervous that he could be a bad guy to be in a relationship with. He may be sweet and caring at times, but other times I know he can be a jerk. He grabbed me and kissed me that second time, which was an awful move. No reason I should be in a relationship with a guy who could potentially hurt me.

3. I didn't want to like him. After everything I had been through with Ross, I don't think I can like a guy the same. Yes, eventually I know I will have to move on off of Ross. Maybe it is the intensity of my first real relationship. I say real because holding hands with your pre-school crush is a different situation. I'll get married one day, who knows to who, and they will love me. I can at least promise myself that things will get better.

So as I was waiting for things to get better, I got a call. One of those calls that you answer ASAP after you see who it is. I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk to him yet, but I felt like I needed to talk to him.

"Ross, hey." I said trying not to sound too excited to talk to him, even though I was.

"Hey. How are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Which I wasn't. "You?" Definitely too formal of a conversation with him. It was weird, and I didn't like it.

"I'm okay, I guess." He said. "I can't stop thinking about you though.." Good then we are on the same page.

"Well, if it makes you feel better...I'm the same way."

"I keep feeling like I made a mistake...but I know it will be better in the long run."

"Maybe." I said doubtfully.

"Hey, it will." He said back.

"You're sure." I said, and he was silent for a few seconds.

"We can always get back together, if that option comes up. But for now, I think it's the better option. I just don't want to interfere with our lives right now."

We continued to talk about this, and somehow he made me feel better about it. He cracked some of his awful jokes, making me the slightest bit happier. But talking to him gave me some sort of closure to the last few days. I was open to make my life the best it could be -without the commitment of a relationship. So maybe we would get back together one day, but he was right.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?" He said.

"Of course." I responded.

"I lo-miss you." He said. I realized he started saying I love you, and I might have done the same thing. "Sorry." He added.

"It's fine Ross." I said. "I love you too." Then I hung up.