Chasing Blue

#17: We Float.

and till the very end, you'll always be my best friend;
my best friend in the whole wide world

Present

Isabella

The familiar feeling when awkward decides to barge into the air and everything becomes painfully silent is just as horrible as it sounds. He won't even look me in the eye. And ever since we drove out of school, it's been this painfully silent. He broke the speed limit and I couldn't help but hold onto the seat and tighten my seat belt.

The silence he decided to play is slowly killing me. It massacred me, his words repeatedly playing in my head. 

"Touch her again and I'll put you six feet under the ground. She's mine." 

This is all I heard inside me. His glowering voice intensified by the heat radiated from his blue hooded eyes. The eyes which always dazzled me with their calmness had now shocked me from their blaze. He loves me, I heard him scream it in front of me. He said he loves me and my ears still failed to believe his words. 

The sudden warming of butterflies started inside my stomach and I felt my cheeks turn warm. My lips were automatically smiling and I felt like I was finally happy with this feeling buzzing inside me. He's right next to me, driving me home after my practice and he said he loves me in a way no one else did. 

I felt the sudden need to kiss him. I closed my eyes smiling more as I thought about the swarming chills. My heart started to race inside my chest. I turned and looked at him, biting my lip. But he was looking ahead.

Not even taking a glance at me. I felt the disappointment rush to me and I looked away. My eyes couldn't refrain from looking at him. I observed how his jaw had tightened and his teeth had clicked from the corner of my eyes. His fists held the steering wheel with a force as if he wanted to pull it apart from the car.

Every turn he took had me either hitting the window of my door or almost dashing his shoulder. The humps and speed breakers got me flying off the seat or sticking to it like glue. Angry Austin sure makes the car drive a road roller coaster. 

The car suddenly jerked and I went almost fell hard on the dashboard but my hands protected my face and chest. It ached when the scratch on my arm stung a little but the sting was very minor. I looked at him, still so angry and frightening, he was only watching the road in front of him. 

I need to break the silence and I need him to look at me. I know how he kept his hand on my head, keeping me inside his arms when he said it out loud. 

So I cleared my throat, ignoring the butterflies or whatever shit they were which was creating so much of a shiver and excitement inside my stomach and my core. 

"Austin--"

"You almost kissed him back." 

His blank statement cut my voice and I frowned. That was what bothered him? He heard me say no, he defended his punches yelling that I said no. How could he even think I would ever kiss him back?

No.

He hadn't heard the part where I told Jacob that I loved Austin. He didn't know that I felt the same way about him. This couldn't be happening now, when everything I wanted, every feeling I wanted from him was actually coming to me, he couldn't actually be walking away now. I had no answer. I didn't know how to defend that statement he already made.

He wasn't asking, he didn't put the question mark at the end of his words. He stated it, you almost kissed him back. 

This is the first thing he speaks after his confession. I look down at my fidgeting fingers and I find words. I hunt for them and I fail to seek them. His eyes are not on me and it makes it all the more difficult for me to think. My mind is still wandering places as to why he isn't sparing me a gaze, how could I think about telling him I loved him too?