Chasing Blue

#39: 48 hours.

Present

Isabella

Austin Cooper disappeared that night. 

He didn't return the whole of yesterday and no one knew where he was. 

His car was missing, his phone was switched off and he had me sitting on the edge of time, waiting for some sign that he came back. With all his clothes still here and with three days left for graduation, he had to come back. 

When Liam texted me last night that Austin returned, I was relieved. But there was no reply when I asked how bad it was. He couldn't even put a number on it. 24 hours without Austin Cooper has terrified me. I've clearly forgotten what life without him feels like. His disappearance before my last match had left me replaying memories of our kiss on loop. And his disappearance after prom had left me with wounded memories of him walking out of my life. No, they are not the same. 

A part of me fears if what he said that night was the truth. I keep hoping otherwise but Austin never says things he doesn't mean. I've been dying to give him the hint of how it was all an act and why I did what I did but it seems like I've hurt him to a point where he doesn't even want an explanation. 

I stopped crying after Mia, May and I burned the tapes that night. I haven't cried for 24 hours and my eyelids feel heavy, in anticipation to get rid of the fog beneath them. I feel it in my skin that when I cry the next time, it'll be ugly. It'll be like a heavy downpour predicted by the weather forecast department. My body is giving me a heads up. But I also know that only because I know it's coming, doesn't make me immune to getting drenched. Either I carry an umbrella, or I can stay in and close all the holes water can leak through, or cry harder than the prediction and use up all the water in the clouds so it would never rain again. 

The elevator chimed and the doors opened to the ground floor. I step out of solitary and my thoughts. I see Jason walking inside the resort glass doors with a black bag slinging onto his shoulder. 

I raise my eyebrow at him and he nods, confirming my thoughts. He spares me a cautious glance and gets into the empty elevator. After a nod, we part ways. 

Knowing I'm still bugged, it's been impossible to talk about anything. Until Jason can find the bug and disable it, I cannot speak to anyone about how all of this was just an act. Anything I say can be used as leverage. So even though my master plan of recording Julie that night was a huge success, we cannot discuss a plan to corner her until Jason finds the bug and cripples it. 

I enter the cafeteria and find Austin and Julie sitting with Liam and May at the outdoor table. I try to serve myself breakfast without spying on him. He doesn't notice me enter. He's talking in nods, and his face doesn't spare a smile. His eyes are locked on the salt and pepper shakers on the table. He's holding a coffee cup in one hand but I stop serving croissants to my plate when I see his other hand around Julie's chair. 

His hand isn't touching her, but he's so casually let it droop on the head of her chair, that it makes my insides twist. I don't feel like eating anymore. 

I knew she would attack him the first thing in the morning knowing he was back. I'd be shocked if she hadn't. But I knew for certain that he wouldn't respond back. Seeing his hand on her chair begins a countdown to that heavy downpour cautioning its arrival sooner than predicted. 

"Bella, come on," May yelled beckoning to me with her hand. Liam and her casually smile at me but their eyes beg me to go save them. 

I walk toward their table taking glances at everyone just so I can look at him too. His jaw tightens but his eyes still stare at the salt and pepper shakers as if it's the only sight in this world. I keep my plate adjacent to his coffee cup. The second I sit on the chair he stands up and turns to Julie.