💔Heartbreak 💔

Downhill in life

Everything is just starting to bring me down lately and idk why but I feel as if I should just disappear because I'm just hurting everyone around me without realising it.

I got some news on Saturday. I went to see my mum and went out to give her a hug to say goodbye when she started crying into my chest. I don't know if any of you reading have had your mum cry into your arms because she's in pain but it's really hit me hard. Sure she's an alcoholic and didn't look after us kids very well but at the end of the day she's still my mum and it hurt me to see her crying and being in pain. The reason she is in pain is apparently she has cancer in her legs and arms and her nose. So I have a feeling she isn't going to last much longer and that's probably  going to affect me very much especially seeing as I haven't told people about this 😞💔

Anyway turns out I'm hurting some one in my life which I didn't mean to but I keep doing it over and over again. Don't even know why I bother doing anything. I get it you hate the fact that i post stuff about her and u see it but just talk to me about it. Not that you will 😞.

I just really feel like I don't belong here. I barely trust anyone anymore because the last person I trusted just broke me into little pieces. So now I don't trust anyone not even myself and I just hate myself.

I also feel like i don't need to eat anymore because i just have a fear of going over a certain weight limit and I'm already over that amount so why eat. I need to loose the weight to stay below my weight I want. But no body understands that. Everyone just keeps saying "you need to eat more" "put on weight" but I mentally can't ok.

💔😞