💔Heartbreak 💔

Out loud thoughts

Life isn't getting any better you know
I'm always up late thinking about everything and how I've fucked up so much stuff in my life

Everytime I message someone I feel like I'm bugging them and that they secretly just want me to leave them alone

I'm always thinking about my mum as well. Like everytime I talk to her she's slowly forgetting everything and loosing her memories I think. She's always having doctors appointments and x rays and getting her leg checked out form her car crash as it's always infected. Then when we see her she's always picking at her skin and scabs and then her arms or legs r always bleeding. Idk I just feel like she's slowly fading away and there's nothing I can do but watch her slowly disappear.

I don't even know what to do either as work is stressing me out so much to the point where tears nearly come out of my eyes at work. Like yeah I get it I should be grateful that I'm earning money and that I have a job but still half the time I'm debating whether or not it's worth it.

I'm always overthinking about him too. And always telling me it's my own fault he just left. I'll have random nights where I'll jsut cry myself to sleep because I miss the little things like how he'd hold me then I'll start to miss the memories I had with him. As one day I was saying I loved him and the next day I hated him for destroying me to pieces

But I gotta move on and I will

Hopefully with one specific person on my mind but idk. I don't wanna message too much and annoy him but at the same time I just wanna keep messaging him

Side note. I'm starting to get less hungry everyday. Like idk I didn't eat until 4.30pm today. So idk what's going on there. Like am I secretly trying to starve myself without me knowing. Like my brain just tells me to stay in bed and not to get food. Or if I'm hungry I can have a bite or 2 and that's it I won't eat till the next day. But yeah that's also happening.

Anyway until next time I guess goodbye