💔Heartbreak 💔

Late night thoughtsss

People like to pretend they know me when they don't. Its not all smiles and laughs on the inside it's probably all dead and has been for a few years. The worst part is I have many reasons why. The reasons on why I feel like this and why it won't stop.

I feel like I have too many thoughts running in my head that I don't want to disappear but they need to. Some scare me and some are dark and shouldn't be opened.

You may have known someone for years upon years but do you actually know them? Know their stories and what they have been through it such a thing called 'life'.

I stare at the ceilings most nights thinking about lots of different reasons but mainly why I think other people I don't been know hate me. Why I'm single and the answer is because if I hate myself how can someone else love me if I'm just a broken piece of shit on the verge that no one wants to collect and call 'mine'. Unwanted could be another term but I'm wanted by my family and a bunch of my friends as that's it. That's what I tell myself anyway.

Silence is the pain that kills me the most. It's just so great silence and fake smiles as people actually believe you are ok. Don't be fouled people. You may think I'm stupid from what I think and what I say and well your correct.

There's so much to say so little time and so much pain the heart can take each day. But still I stare at the ceiling and wonder what is wrong with me.

Earlier I wrote about hands coming towards my throats and people pointed it out as imagination of myself. If I'm imagining someone about to strangle me am I leaning towards death or is it a sign that death is near me very soon. Maybe I'm just crazy. And want to imagine that sort of stuff as that's what might happen in my mind images. But crazy people get judged and get judged a lot. If I'm crazy then bye social life. No one likes a crazy person who thinks and imagines that's someone is killing them. And crazy people don't belong on this earth do they ? So is the image on my head saying goodbye for one final time then later people. I'll probably won't even be missed anyway.