I can't concentrate.
I can't do anything.
All because of one thing I did last Thursday.
So if you read the last chapter you would know that on Wednesday I just broke down and cried and cried and wanted to end my life that night.
Obviously I didn't as I'm still here writing this update tonight, not hat I want to be here.
Anyway back to Thursday. I don't want to explain who it is and I don't want to explain in detail what it is, as I'm only writing this as it won't stay off my mind. It's all I can think about and it's beginning to affect things I do as I can't concentrate because I'm thinking all about Wednesday and Thursday night.
So Thursday night was the night I tried to get my homework done but every 5 minutes I just stopped and thought about everything, then would co tinge going back to my work. That just kept happening for a while until my sister called me into her room. She asked where I put her key so I showed her then she punched me 2 tunes and told me to get out her room.
I walked back to my room and my eyes began to water. I was already upset before this so getting punched my sister just made everything worse. I literally just wanted to disappear but that wasn't a option.
I went back to do doing homework but couldn't concentrate and decided to do one thing. One thing that scared the shit out of me. That scared the shit out of the person I sent it to. But I still wished I did it.
I basically messaged someone and messaged them deliberately because they were at a party and I knew they respond to later which was when I thought I would no longer be on this earth.
I messaged a long paragraph basically saying how sorry I was for wasting months of their life, for always blocking them out when I needed them the most and most of all sorry for hurting them. As they always say to me you don't hurt me but deep down I know I do. I can tell especially when there's tears rolling down their eyes.
By the end of the paragraph I told them goodbye and I love them for ever and always, ending with "hopefully I'll see you again."
So on Thursday night, I wrote a goodbye letter to someone and I don't know what to do wth my life anymore
Xx
