Why Don't We? // Jack Avery fanfiction

self conscious

That night, when I got home from school, I called Rachael, and asked her to come to the mall with me. I love the guys, and all the time I have spent with them has been incredible, but I need to buy a new bathing suit, and I am not about to do that with them. Of course, as soon as I call Rachael, she picks up instantly. I'm barely waiting for 10 minutes before she meets me at my front door. "So," I say. "I need a bathing suit. School's almost over and I still don't have one"

"Oh. Perfect!" She says excitedly. "I need one too. We can help each other pick one out!" I nod quickly, and we make our way to the mall, walking slowly to prevent the inevitable sweat that comes with this heat. When we finally get to the mall, Rachael drags me into her favourite store, RIOT. It used to be my favourite store too, but recently I haven't been into wearing the type of clothes they sell. This will honestly be the first time I've seen myself in a bathing suit for over a year. I am not excited. I choose a strappy, purple bathingsuit, and a bright red bikini, and decide to try them on.

"Come out, I want to see how it looks!!" Rachael calls from outside the change room. "I've already got mine on, so come out when you're ready!" She calls, loudly enough for every single other shopper to hear. As I look at myself in the mirror, I see all my insecurities suddenly so exposed to me. Everything I don't like about my body is right in front of me, sitting on display, and I don't want anybody else to see. I know Rachael, and I know that she will tell me that I look amazing, and that I have nothing to worry about, and that I look beautiful.. but honestly I know it'll just make me mad. I hate when people lie to me. I realize that the bathing suit is probably two sizes too small for me. But.. I was this size only a few months ago. I pinch my leg, and feel a tear stream down my cheek. "What's happening to me?" I think to myself quietly. In my head, all I can think about is how bad I feel. I only just started dating Jack, I'm so scared to lose him just because of the way my body looks.

"Emily!! Come out" Rachael practically yells from the other change room. "Neither fit." I say quickly, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice. "Come out anyway!" Rachael screeches, happily. "No, Rach it's bad. Everything is everywhere" I say, pretending to joke around. "Aw. Okay. We'll get you another one.

Finally, I settle for a two piece that goes slightly down my legs as to cover my thighs, and holds in my stomach because it's high waisted. It isn't ideal, but it works, and it's still kind of cute. When we get to the cash, the lady tells us that there is a 2 for one sale, so we each grab another bathing suit. I take the strappy red bikini, two sizes up from what I tried on, and call it a day.

After Rachael and I buy our things, she asks me if I want to hang out with her. Normally I would be super excited to spend time with my best friend. Today however, I just can't bring myself to spend anymore time away from home. "Um.. I'm actually feeling really sick right now. I think that's why I'm so low energy." I lie, pretending to look sick. "Oh! No! Okay, let's get you home, and to bed!" She says, taking my bag for me. This is why Rachael will always be my best friend. She's so understanding.

When I get home, I throw the bag with the bathing suit on the ground, and look at myself in the mirror, feeling displeased. I pull my shirt over my head, and sit on the ground beside the bag with the bathing suit. Almost without thinking, I pick up my phone, and text Jack.

Jack? Are you there?
Delivered at 6:30 PM

Yeah of course what's up?
Received at 6:32 PM

Can you come over? If you can? I really need to talk to someone.
Delivered at 6:32 PM

Of course. I'll be right there. What's your address again?
Received at 6:33 PM

I give Jack my address, And he tells me that he will be over as soon as possible. Which means, in 20 minutes or less. I quickly go downstairs and warn my parents that he will be coming over soon.

"Hey, mom, where's dad?" I ask, as I walk down the stairs, noticing that my dad isn't there. "Oh sweetie, your dad fell asleep about an hour ago, reading his newspaper, why?" She asks, moving her glasses so she can see me clearly. "Well, remember that guy I told you about?" I ask her, making sure to choose my words carefully. "Of course I do! Why do you ask?" I walk down the last few stairs, and sit on the chair beside my mom. "Well, I invited him over. Is that okay?"

She adjusts her glasses again, and looks at me. "Well, yes, I would love to meet him. Why right now though?" She asks, looks at me, seeming slightly confused. "I just wasn't feeling too great, and I needed a pick me up. That's all." My mom comes over to me, and tells me to stand up. I quickly do as she says, and before I know it, she's wrapping her arms around me, and wrapping me in a huge hug. "Emily, honey, if you're ever feeling sad you can tell me. I'm glad that this boy is able to help though. I am. I'm excited to meet him."

We talk for a couple more minutes, and my mom makes herself a cup of tea. Before I know it, Jack is knocking on the door. I know I shouldn't be nervous, because he's so sweet, and my mom will love him, yet for some reason I'm still a little anxious.

~~Important Authors note~~

THIS CHAPTER IS ALL ABOUT EMILY'S INSECURITIES. I wanted to capture how a significant number of teenage girls, including myself, feel about their bodies, and how their insecurities can sometimes run their lives. That being said though, girls, boys, whoever is reading this, you are beautiful, your body is beautiful, scars, stretch marks, cellulite, tummies, or anything that you're worrying about.. you don't have to!! You are beautiful, and perfect, and wonderful the way you are. The media sells an image to you, and tells you that's what you have to look like.. But you don't have to! Almost nobody does! So, do me a favour, and love yourself! Look in the mirror and say "dang I'm georgous" because that's what you deserve <3 Thanks!