Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Different (pt.2)

I walked into the library, it was still relatively the same. Some book genres were rearranged and moved around, but other than that, it all looked as is it did before I left. I quietly walked to an empty table, there were some other people there but they were all worried about their work.

That's the table I was sitting at when I first met you.

I looked at the table I was going to sit at. 

Oh, hey, it is. 

Mmhm. 

I pulled the chair out and sat down. I took out my book and silently began to read. I was about fifteen pages into the book when I noticed someone standing in front of the table. I looked up and saw Chresanto.

"Hi, I um... Can I talk to you?" He asked quietly. 

I nodded and pulled out my whiteboard, along with the marker. 

About?

"Jacob".

What?

What?

"I know you probably don't wanna talk about him, and that's okay" he began, "but I just need one question answered". 

I don't trust him. I think he's just curious, he doesn't care.

I sighed and wiped my board clean, I looked at Chresanto as he gave me a hopeful look. I nodded a little and placed out my hands, letting him know to ask his question. 

He sat up a little and hesitated, "d-did.... Did Jacob, um, did he commit suicide because of me?"

I stared at him in shock, did he really think that? As I stared at the boy who once bullied Jacob, all I saw was nervousness and guilt.

No, I didn't. I'd never give him the satisfaction of getting to me in that way. He's not worth me killing myself, I did it because the voices said that if I took those pills you gave me, they'd make me kill everyone I loved, including you and I couldn't bring myself to do something so cruel.

I bit my lip lightly as I thought about what he said.

So it's my fault? I'm the reason you killed yourself.

Wait, what? No.

If I hadn't given you those pills, then the voices wouldn't have threatened you, and you'd still be alive. You'd be sitting right next to me right now, and everything would be as it was before. It's all my fault, Jacob, why didn't you tell me?

That's not true, none of that is true.

I suddenly felt someone put their hand over mine, I looked at Chresanto.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry".

I touched my face and realized that tears were indeed falling from my eyes. I shook my head a little as I wiped them away. I sniffed and picked up my marker. 

He didn't commit suicide because of you. He did it because of me. 

Bria! I did not! That's not what I meant, you had nothing to do with it, honestly. It was the voices. You gave me the pills, but they were the ones who threatened me. You were only trying to help me. 

I dropped the marker and began to cry. I didn't care if people were watching me, and I certainly didn't care if Chresanto was sitting right in front of me. I placed my arms on the table and rested my head on my arms. 

"Hey, hey, I highly doubt he did it because of you" Chresanto said, I peeked up at him. What the hell did he know? 

He gave me a small smile, "he loved you a lot". 

I did.

"And I bet he still does". 

I do.

I used my sleeve to wipe my tears away. I stared at him, "I'm sorry that he's no longer here".

I sniffed, it's not your fault. I wrote.

"I know, but the fact that you have to go through all this, it's sad".

When did you become so caring? You weren't like this before?

He chuckled, "I don't know... I guess when I found out about Jacob".

How'd you find out?

"Everyone was talking about it. Some people said he shot himself, others said he overdosed, and some said he hung himself, people even said he jumped. Everyone blamed me for what he did, and still are. That's why I needed to know if I truly was the reason, I started to believe all the rumors and really thought that I had drove him to kill himself" he explained. 

I'm sorry people blamed you.

"It's okay, as long as I know it wasn't my fault, then I'm fine, I guess. How about you?"

Still not good?

"Why the question mark?"

I don't know.

I looked up as the bell suddenly rang, I began to pack up my things and Chresanto stood up. "Maybe we should talk more?" 

I looked at him. 

"Sorry, that was the wrong thing to say wasn't it? Considering your, uh, muteness..... I'm sorry". 

I smiled a little as his cheeks turned a light shade of red. 

It's okay to say things like that, ya'know? And yeah, we can talk more.

I watched him as he nodded a little, he picked up his bag and books and looked at me. "Okay, I'll, uh, see you around then".

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Sorry for any mistakes.

Love,

Me