Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

New Medicine

"I talked to your doctor, and we both decided to put you on an antidepressant". 

I looked at Dr. Hayes. 

I didn't write anything down. 

"The antidepressant is called Zoloft and is used for both depression and mental disorders" she explained. 

Great.

"It comes in a little pill, which has to be taken on a full stomach" she said seriously, "you have to take one every day". 

I nodded a little. 

I didn't want this pill, but I guess if it would help with my depression, I'd at least try it. 

"The side effects include: dizziness, drowsiness, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite". 

I watched as she moved to the edge of her seat. 

"I have no idea how this medicine is going to affect you. It may help with your depression, it may make your depression worse. If it does, your doctor and I can take you off of it and prescribe you something different. Suicidal thoughts or attempts may or may not occur, and if they do; tell someone". 

I nodded. 

That's all I could really do. 

I was on Zoloft once. 

How'd it go for you?

I don't know.

I guess not so good.

I'm dead now, so it didn't work.

Wasn't the right medicine, I suppose.

Oh.

Yeah.

>>*<<

I was laying on my bed leafing through Jacob's journal some more when Ray walked in. 

"Hey" he greeted. 

I waived to him and went back to slowly turning pages. 

"Whatcha lookin' at?" 

I pulled the top off my marker. 

Jacob's journal.

"Oh". 

Yeah.

"Isn't there personal stuff in there?" 

Journal entries, yes. But it helps me understand what he really went through with the voices. Things he never told anyone, including myself.

"Ah, okay". 

Yeah, did you come to tell me something?

"Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk about your new antidepressant medicine".

Zoloft.

"Yeah, Zoloft".

What about it?

"Promise you'll take it?" 

I sat up and looked at him. 

"Please?"

I stared at him and noticed the touch of sadness in his eyes. 

"I just want you to get better, and I know the medicine may not work and it may make your depression worse and that's another thing I want you to promise. Please, please, please promise that if you have one thought of attempting suicide tell me. I don't care what I'm doing, or where I am. Tell me".

I felt guilty because I've already had those thoughts once or twice already, and he has no idea. 

"Bria". 

I nodded. 

I promise. 

I'll tell you.

I will.

"Thank you".

You're welcome.

I watched as he sighed, he looked at me. 

I could tell he was thinking about something. 

Is there something else?

He nodded, "yeah, I was, um... Wondering..."

He took a deep breath.

"Do you wanna go see Jacob?" 

I stared at him. 

I gave the slightest of nod and slipped my phone into my back pocket. 

>>*<<

I let the cold air fill my lungs as I breathed in slowly.

I stood in front of Jacob's grave.

I don't like cemeteries.

Neither do I.

But you're here.

Because of you.

Right, sorry.

I didn't mean it in a rude way.

I know...

Do you really?

Yeah.

Okay.

"I wish I had answered the phone" Ray murmured.

I looked at him and wrapped my arm around him. 

And I wish I had stopped him and said something.

You guys, come on. 

You're making me sad. 

Sorry. 

Ray placed a secure arm around my waist and sighed. I leaned against him and stared at Jacob's name that was carved into the headstone. 

Jacob Perez. 

Yes?

Nothing.

Just saying your name.

"I miss him" Ray confessed. 

I nodded a little. 

Me too.

I love you.

And I love you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Sorry for any mistakes. Also, if you read Russian Roulette, I'll be updating that tomorrow.
Love,
Me.