Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Journal Entries

I laid on my bed as I pulled Jacob's notebook close to me. I asked Ms. Perez if I could borrow it and she said 'of course'.

I REALLY don't think you should read those entries, Bria.

I rolled my eyes.

You keep telling me that, Jacob, and I know I'll regret it; but I have to. 

You really are gonna regret it. 

Okay.

I opened the notebook and started at the beginning. Here we go. I looked at the top of the page and began to read in my head:

Journal entry #1

I'm starting over again. I'm going to a new school, and I'm going to make friends this time. Real friends; not any of those fake ones. I've had too many of those in the past years. I'm going to have a nice school year and I'm going to go to prom and find a girlfriend or something. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably not. No. I'm not. I'm not good enough for anyone. Not even my dad, he didn't even want me; that's why he left and hasn't come back yet. I keep saying yet when I know he's never going to come back. I really gotta stop doing that. He's a fucking bastard anyway. I didn't mean to write that, the voices made me write it. Sorry. They're ruining my life. No, we're not. Don't blame us for something that's your fault, Jacob. 

~Jacob~

 How come you never told me you had a journal?

I don't know.

I flipped to the second page:

Journal Entry #2

Met a girl today. She's cute, her name's Bria. She's got these really pretty brown eyes and her laugh is gorgeous. I haven't told her that I'm hearing voices, I don't want to drive her away like I did all the others. I've lost a lot of friends due to the voices and I refuse to lose another. Plus, she's cute and interesting and I wanna get to know her more. Something about her makes me smile; she's different.

~Jacob~

I smiled a little as I brushed my finger across the words on the page. 

Technically, you're reading personal information, and that's not very nice. I've made sure that no one read that book when I was alive and just because I'm dead, doesn't mean you can just go and read it.

Are you mad at me?

No, I'm just... It's a whole bunch of stuff in there that I don't want you to see because at the state that you're currently in, it's most likely going to leave you crying and wishing you hadn't read it.

I sighed lightly, but I didn't say anything to him.

I closed the book and set it on my nightstand.

Okay, Jacob.

I sat up and placed my legs over the edge of the bed, I stood to my feet and walked out of my room and down to the kitchen. 

"Bria, sweetie, can we talk to you for a minute?" My mom asked as I crossed the living room. 

I looked at them, I left my board upstairs. 

"It's okay if you don't have your board, we'd actually like it if you just listened" my dad explained. 

I slowly walked over and sat on the couch across from them. 

"We thought it'd be a good idea to get you a psychiatrist" my mom stated.

I stared at the two.

"Her name's Dr. Hayes, Traci is her first name".

They really got me a shrink?

I don't need a shrink. 

Shrink's are for crazy, depressed people.

You did say you were depressed.

Well I'm not crazy! And I took a test online, Jacob, it's not official.

"Bria".

I looked at my mom, "we scheduled an appointment after school on Wednesday".

I shook my head a little. 

This is ridiculous!

I stood up and walked to the stairs. 

I thought you were getting food?

Fuck the food. I'm not hungry anymore.

I walked upstairs and went to my room, I slammed the door shut and walked to my bed. I sat down and rubbed at my temples as I took a deep breath. 

My door opened, "what's up with you?" Ray asked seriously. 

I looked at him and motioned for him to go away. 

He ignored me and walked in, he closed the door behind him, "are you gonna answer me?"

I glared and turned away from him. I didn't want to tell him about the shrink because I didn't want to think about it at all. 

He sat down next to me, "come on, tell me" he murmured as he ran his fingers through my hair, "ya'know you can tell your big brother anything, right?" 

I nodded a little. 

I closed my eyes as he began to braid my hair, "so, what is it?" 

I slowly opened my eyes and found my whiteboard, it was resting on my nightstand, under Jacob's book. I slid it from underneath the notebook and picked up the marker. 

I have a shrink.

He stopped braiding my hair as his eyes scanned the board, "oh".

I nodded as he picked back up on braiding. 

"They really got you one?" 

Yeah.

"That's why you're upset?"

Yes. I know you probably don't und-

"I understand".

You do?

"Yeah, you're upset that you've got a shrink because it's basically showing that you have a problem, right?" he explained as he started on the second braid. 

Yeah.

"Well, just give it a try. Maybe you'll like him or her, and maybe they'll get you talking again".

I wiped away the words on the whiteboard, but I didn't write anything. 

"Do you miss it? Talking, I mean". 

I nodded a little.

Yeah.

"I know you don't talk because of Jacob, and that's something that I truly understand" he began, "but Bri, I miss it so much, I miss your voice so much".

So do I.

"You don't know how much hope I have when I wake up in the morning because I think that today is going to be the day you talk again".

I let him down every time. 

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I just want you to know that just because you didn't speak up that night with Jacob, doesn't mean that you should just throw your voice away". 

I took in a small breath as he suddenly pressed a kiss to my cheek. 

"You shouldn't throw away something that isn't broken".

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Sorry for any mistakes.

Love,

Me