Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Down the rabbit hole pt2

Bria, wait. 

Wait. 

Hold on. 

Can't we talk about this?

'I don't know'.

I was already standing on the ledge, I could jump right now if I truly wanted to. I wiped at my eyes as my tears fell, I took a deep breath. 

'Okay, go'.

You've got so much to live for. You've got Jordan, Jazmyne, Rayan, Chresanto.

'I know... I know, I just... I don't want to do it anymore. I love them all so much, and I know Chresanto said he never went out with me because he felt sorry for me, but it's always been sitting in the back of my mind everytime I'm with him. I know it's true'.

That is not true. I see the way he looks at you, Bria. I see the way he defends you and tries to cheer you up. He holds you so close to him and he kisses you like you're air and he can't fucking breathe. Chresanto loves you so much, and if he really went out with you because he felt sorry for you, he would've been long gone by now. He's stuck around, and it's because he loves you.

'Jacob, you just don't understand'. 

'I'm not good enough for him, I'm not good enough for anyone anymore. Not even myself! I can't do anything right, I can't even kill myself right. You don't understand how much I want to cut, or overdose, or hang myself'. 

Yes, I do. 

Did you forget I was once depressed too, Bria? 

I felt the exact same way you do right now when I was seconds away from jumping. I would've done it too, if it weren't for the people who helped talk me down, and I'm glad they did. I wouldn't have met you if I hadn't. 

'I don't have anyone to talk me down'. 

"Bria" I looked over and saw my brother getting out of his car, so was Jazmyne, Jordan, and Chresanto.

I looked at them. 

Yes, you do.

They're all right here.

I knew Chresanto was right, he did know where I was.

"Bria, come on, get down from there" Jordan said.

"You never liked heights or bridges anyway" Jazmyne added.

"We can talk about it, we can sit down and we can just talk about it" Chresanto stated. 

I sniffed and as the wind blew through my hair I took a deep breath. 

I shook my head a little. 

"Bria, please, listen to me okay?" Ray asked, he sounded like he was about to cry. "You're going to be okay, and I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear, but it's true. It's all I can say right now because I feel like you don't understand just how important you are. You are the most important thing to me, and I love you, I love you, I love you. Please, get down".

"Baby girl, come on" Chresanto spoke slowly, "come down, please. I know you're tired, we all know you're tired, but if you just let us help you. I know we've been helping you for a long time now, but sometimes helping someone takes a while. Bri, I love you. I fucking love you, I get so happy when I'm around you, please... Don't... Just don't".

"Just... Just come down" Jazmyne said lightly. 

"Like Ray said, you're going to be okay. You're going to get better" Jordan stated.

I don't think I'm going to get better. 

You can try.

'I've been trying for a long time now'. 

'I'm done trying'. 

'I'm giving up'. 

'I'm sorry'.

'I love you'. 

I inched a bit closer to the edge and I looked down and I regretted it because it really was a far way to fall, but I knew it'd be over in a second. Even though I thought this and knew it was true, I couldn't help but think that this wasn't the way I wanted to go out. I didn't want to jump. 

Oh, thank God.

But I didn't want to back out, because if I backed out that meant that I've failed a third suicide attempt and that really makes me a failure. 

No, it doesn't. It makes you stronger because you're still here to fight.

I could feel my body shaking as I thought about what he said, my fingers clutched onto the railing and I shook my head a little. I truly wanted to get down. I wanted to go home... But... I didn't want to be considered a failure. 

No one is going to think that, Bria. I promise you that when you get down, no one is going to think or call you a failure.

'But I'll think and call myself one, Jacob'.

And everyone will help you until you get to the point where the word is no longer in your vocabulary. Now, please, get down... And go home. I promise, you will get better, you'll wake up one day and you won't have the feeling and thoughts of suicide. You'll be happy, and you'll be okay.

'You... You promise?'

Yes, I promise.

'Okay'. 

I took a deep breath, and I slowly turned around and looked at my brother, Chresanto, Jordan, and Jazmyne. I placed my foot on the bottom of the rail and began to climb back over, I didn't even get to do it myself because Chresanto was there in no time and he was pulling me up and over. 

I felt my tears edging towards the rim of my eyes and I didn't hide them. I cried into his chest and he held me close to him. He handed me over to Ray and I only cried harder because I was really thinking about leaving him. I clutched onto his shirt and I cried my damn eyes out because I just felt so fucking selfish and sick, and suicidal. 

I opened my mouth and for the first time in months, I spoke:

"I just want to die so bad".
_____________________________________________________________________________________Two more chapters?? My counts all off, y'all.