Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Don't deserve

The feeling of death was very strong today. I could feel it creeping up on me. I couldn't escape the feeling.

"Would you like to go with me to pick up my art project?" Ray asked.

I looked at him and nodded.

I hadn't been to the school in a while, I hadn't been anywhere in a while.

"Alright, come on".

I got up and quickly put on my Converse. I grabbed my jacket and followed him out of my room and down the hall and stairs. Our parents were still at work, it was the afternoon and the only reason Ray was here and not at school was because he skipped of course.

I was somewhat happy because the feeling of suicide was out of the picture for a while, and also I'd be able to surprise Chresanto after his last class of the day.

Have people been talking about me?

I asked when Ray and I got in his car and got on the road.

"Um..." He said quietly, he sighed, "yeah".

Oh.

Okay.

"It's not... It's not bad talking about you, there's actually a lot of people who are genuinely concerned about you".

If it's teacher, then they don't count.

"Oh, yeah, right".

I looked out the window and watched as we passed by trees and other cars. The school wasn't that far from us, so we were there in no time.

I got out of the car and my brother did the same. I followed him into the school building and we walked to the front office.

"Hi, I just came to pick up an art project. Big portrait; Ms. Myer knows I was coming" Ray explained to Ms. Brown. She nodded and gave him a note, she smiled at me. 

"How are you?" She asked.

I'm okay.

I lied.

And how are you?

"I'm doing okay myself, thank you for asking".

You're welcome.

I smiled again before following Ray to the art room. There was a class in there, so I decided to wait in the hall as he went in to receive his finished project.

I stared at the lockers that were in front of me. I pulled out my phone and realized that it really was almost time for school to let out. I looked at the hall I was on and figured out that Chresanto wasn't too far away, I began to make my way to his class. When I got there, I leaned against the wall that was across from the door and waited.

I hope Ray didn't come looking for me. I wonder what his project was? And why he asked me if I wanted to come along with him? My thoughts were interrupted by the bell and doors opening. I blinked and watched people begin to file into the hall, I looked at people as they left out of the classroom in front of me. I was waiting for Chresanto, he suddenly came walking out. He was looking down at a sheet of paper, so he didn't see me right away; eventually he did look up.

The look on his face made me smile as he walked up to me.

"Hi" he greeted before kissing me, he pulled me closer to him and I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around his neck. I stood on my tip toes and he gently lifted me off my feet and spun me around once.

"What're you doing here?" He asked curiously after the kiss ended.

Ray had to pick up an art project. He asked if I wanted to come, so I did.

He nodded a little before kissing my forehead. I looked around and hadn't realized how many pair of eyes were really on us. I knew they weren't particularly looking at Chresanto, but me. I looked down and pushed my hair from my face before slowly pulling at my long shirt sleeves.

Don't let it bother you.

"Come on" Chresanto stated, he took a hold of my hand and walked with me down the hall.

"I really can't believe he's still dating her".

"I know right, I would've left her a long time ago".

"What she did was stupid. She overdosed on pills, talk about a druggie".

"She cuts too".

"Pathetic".

"Desperate".

"Attention seeker".

I'm not sure if they knew that I could hear them, I don't think it really matters. They would still say it if they knew that I could.

"Shut the fuck up" Chresanto cursed, "and mind your own business". I looked at him and saw he had a deep frown on his face. I kissed his cheek and he looked at me. His gaze softened up and disappeared. He sighed but didn't say anything to me, or anyone else.

I pulled him along the hall and to Ms. Myer's room. Ray was walking out with a big canvas that was wrapped in paper.

>>*<<

Do you think I'm just seeking attention at this point?

I was walking beside Chresanto, we were just about to walk in the house when I felt I needed to ask the question that's been on my mind ever since we left the school.

"No".

Are you sure? I mean... I'm at the point where I just feel like I'm making myself feel this way. I should be able to get up tomorrow and put a smile on my face, and be happy.

"But that's not something you can do" Chresanto began, "don't try and do something that you physically cannot see yourself doing. I think fake happiness is worse than real sadness. With real sadness you know someone is hurting, but with fake happiness... How is anyone to know that a person is hurting and needs help?"

They won't know.

"Exactly".

I followed him into the house and closed the door behind me. I walked into the living room and saw Ray's portrait leaning against the wall by the stairs. I looked at it and walked over, I carefully took off the wrapping and looked at it. 

It was me. 

I didn't know he had drawn me. He didn't tell me he had drawn me. 

I studied the portrait for a long time, to the point where I got tired of standing and sat down. It was a full body drawing of me, on half the page was bright colors and drawings of everything that I loved... And on the other half; was dark colors with dark shadows and figures. I looked at me again, on one wrist was nothing and the other was red lines that signified my self-harm. Why did he draw this then paint it?

"I was supposed to choose someone and explain their life in a portrait. I chose you" Ray explained, when had he gotten here? "I hope you don't mind, I just chose you because I wanted everyone to know that you're not depressed for attention, and that you can still be happy and sad at the same time. You've got things that you love on one side, then you've got things that taunt you".

I looked at him. 

"I just wanted people to know that you don't deserve any of the shit that you're going through". 
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Sorry for any mistakes.