Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Horrible

Bria, come on.

Calm down. 

Breathe.

Please.

Jacob, I can't. 

I don't know what's wrong, but I just feel like slitting my wrists and just dying. 

Oh my God. 

I skipped school today. I told Ray and our parents that I was just feeling sick and I said that I'd be fine alone; but I'm not and I'm really regretting letting them leave me here alone. 

Please, text someone. 

I wanna help you so bad, but I physically can't.

I wiped my hands under my eyes as my tears began to fall. 

I sat up on my bed and took a deep breath. 

I don't wanna do it anymore. 

I can't do it anymore. 

You're scaring me.

I am too. 

It's like one half of me just wants to stop breathing and die, and the other wants me to fight through it and get help. 

I don't know which half I want to go with. 

Bria, please.

I wiped at my eyes again and found my phone on my nightstand. 

I texted my brother: please, come home.

I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes. 

My phone vibrated and I looked at it. 

It was my brother. 

Ray: What's wrong? Is everything okay?

I sniffed and texted him back: no. everything's not okay. i want to die.

>>*<<

Bria, this wasn't supposed to happen.

I know. 

I'm sorry. 

I am so sorry. 

"Bria!" I heard someone yell. 

It was Ray. 

My tears appeared and I blinked them back.

He got here too late. 

God, I feel like shit.

I stared at the floor as I heard him run up the stairs. 

"Bri?" 

I didn't want to look at him, I could already hear the fear in his voice; I didn't want to see it in his eyes either. 

My hair fell in front of my eyes, and I pushed it away.

I finally looked at him. 

I watched him as he stood in the middle of the hall. 

"Are you okay? Why're you sitting in the bathroom? I don't understand..." he trailed off as his eyes wandered down to my wrists. 

He stared at the red, irritated cut skin. 

"Bria" he said sadly. 

Seeing and hearing the sadness in both his eyes and voice just made me break down and start crying. 

I dropped the small razor blades that I was holding tightly in my hand and I just sat there and cried. 

I suddenly felt Ray pick me up, he held me bridal style and carried me to my room. 

He carefully laid me down on my bed and I curled up into a ball. 

I'm such a fuck up. 

No, you're not.

Yeah, I am. 

"Are there anymore?" Ray asked quietly.

I shook my head a little.

Bria.

He sighed and I watched him turn away, I reached out and grabbed his hand. 

He turned back and looked down at me, I released his hand from my own and lifted up my shirt and I allowed him to see the rest of the cuts that I had managed to make on my waist and upper hips.

"Oh my God" he murmured. 

I sighed and closed my eyes. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm so sorry. 

I sniffed and opened my eyes, I looked up and saw that Ray was gone.

I slowly sat up, I stood to my feet and walked out of my room and into the hall.

I turned and saw him in the bathroom, he was rummaging through drawers; looking for something. He suddenly pulled out gauze, he looked at me "come here".

I walked into the bathroom and he sat me down on the edge of the bathtub. He knelt down and I slowly offered him by wrists.

He looked at them, then away. He sighed and began to wrap gauze around my left wrist.

I watched him carefully and felt guilty when I saw his eyes fill with tears. He quickly wrapped my right wrist and stood up. He sniffed and wiped at his eyes before walking away.

I stood up and followed him to his room. He ignored my gaze and I walked to my room and grabbed my whiteboard.

I walked back to his room.

I know you're mad at me, and I'm sorry.

I set the board down on his bed for him to read.

His eyes scanned the surface and his facial expression softened, he looked at me.

"You think I'm mad at you?" He asked lightly.

I nodded.

He suddenly cupped my face in his hands and kissed my forehead.

"No, no, I'm not mad at you" he murmured, "I promise. I'm just, I'm mad at myself, Bria. I got here too late, they wouldn't let me leave without giving a valid reason as to why I had to go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry".

He was crying now, and so was I.

"I should've just left" he cried, "I could've stopped you if I was here sooner".

I shook my head a little.

Just leaving the school wouldn't have done him any good. I was too far gone even as I texted him to come home. It would've happened either way.

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. 

He did the same to me, and he made sure not to put any pressure on my cuts. 

My cuts.

My cuts.

My cuts.

I never thought I'd be saying that, or thinking it, at least. 

He took a deep breath and pressed another kiss to my forehead. 

"You're going to be okay". 

You really are, Bria.

I nodded a little.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Sorry for any mistakes.

Love,

Me.