Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Down the rabbit hole pt1

'Fuck'. 

'I can't do this anymore. I can't take this feeling anymore, Jacob'. 

'I want it to go away'. 

'I want it gone'. 

Bria.

'I haven't slept for the past three days. I'm not even a week clean. My cuts itch and every time I scratch at them, they reopen and hurt. I can't get out of bed. I feel like I'm drowning and no one is trying to save me'. 

I know... The feeling. 

But... There is comfort at the bottom of a swimming pool.

I think you should tell someone.

'That's the thing, I don't want to tell anyone because then they'll try to help me, and I don't want them to waist their time because I know it won't help. I'll be waisting their time'. 

'I'm just going to take care of myself'.

'I'm going to make the feeling goes away and I'm not going to tell anyone. I'll... I'll write a note... Telling them why I did what I plan to do'. 

Bria, I know you don't mean...

'Another suicide attempt? Oh, yes'. 

'I'm sorry'. 

'I am so fucking sorry, but I can't go on. The things those kids said about me when I showed up at the school the other day have been flooding my thoughts. I can't stop thinking about the looks they gave me and the cruel words they spoke. Everything they said was true'. 

'I did overdose'. 

'I do cut'.

'I'm pathetic'. 

'I'm desperate'. 

'I'm doing all of this for attention'. 

'I'm an attention seeking bitch'.

Bria, you're none of those things. Please, don't think that.

I shook my head. 

'No, I'm sorry. I can't'. 

'I can't'. 

'I can't'.

'I can't'.

I picked up my phone and texted my brother: 

I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry.

I got up from my bed and found my jacket and shoes. I slipped them both on and looked around my room. It would be the last time I'd see it. I was about to walk out but then I remembered I had to do something very important, two things actually. 

I texted Chresanto:

I love you very much.

Then I grabbed a notebook and pen and began to write.

>>*

'Jacob, what happens to you when I die?'

You're not going to die.

'Jacob, please'.

I leave.

'So there's no Heaven, no Hell?'

I don't think so.

If there is, I have yet to see it.

'Oh'. 

Yeah.

'I'm sorry I have to do this. I don't mean to make you upset or angry with me. I just don't want to go on'.

No.. No, I.. I understand. I just... I thought I'd really be able to help you. To really save you.

'I thought I could save myself too'.

'I've tried so hard to fix myself, but I can't. I've failed two suicide attempts, and thought about attempting many more'.

Maybe they've failed for a reason. 

Maybe you just weren't meant to die yet, Bria.

I think you should just go back home and talk to someone.

I shook my head a little. 

'No, I can't'. 

'This is it'.

'I just... I can't do it anymore'.

I walked down the sidewalk and let the evening air blow through my hair. 

Bria, come on. 

We've been through this so many times before.

'This is going to be the last, I swear'. 

I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair as I came closer to my destination. As I walked I let myself think of all the times I've ruined my skin and the amount of times I've cried because of how sad I am. My phone vibrated. I pulled it from my pocket. 

Ray: Stop ignoring my texts! Bria, where are you? I'm really worried at this point, I'm driving all across town because you weren't at home. Please, don't do anything. Just tell me where you are. 

Chresanto: Ignoring me and your brother isn't helping either of us. I'm with him and Jordan, and Jazmyne and we're looking all over for you. Please answer our texts. Please, don't do something that you're going to regret. I honestly think I know where you are right now.

He probably does know, which means I have to get there fast and do what I have to do. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and kept walking.
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Like, three more chapters left, including the epilogue... So really two.