HAZEL 2 ➝ D.SWING x AALIYAH.

Chapter 38 { De's Rant }

Devante Swing
April 16th, 1997
Los Angelos, California

I know some of y'all were really shook about that last chapter. Y'all probably were thinking, "how can this anorexic alien live up to responsibilities of a husband when he can't even live up to himself?" Well, I asked myself the same question. I feel like I was doing all that lying and cheating because I only viewed her as a girlfriend. And a girlfriend is a temporary statement. I never really saw her as a wife, when I always said I did. Maybe y'all understand me on this, but I think I needed time to find myself in order to find my love within her. This sounds like something Shakespeare would write about but, when she moved on to someone else that took a toll on me. She gave me so many chances and I kept hurting her. I always thought that she was going to always forgive me and that's why I continued. So when she moved on to Swamp Monst- I mean Ronnie, I realized that she was over with me. I would be over with me too but that was never her character. That's when I knew I really fucked up.

I had many thoughts on how to win her back.

Some were childish.

Some were out of anger like ruining her concert.

And some were out of love.

Y'all are also probably wondering out of all the ideas in the book of ideas, why would you choose marriage to win her back?

I think marriage shows a sense of growing up and being mature. Something that I needed to do. It shows that you can be able to actually settle down with someone, holding on to a lifetime commitment. I never really learned how to stick to one thing because my family was so dysfunctional. I never really had that love in my family so it was kind of hard understanding love. But when I look at her I see it. It's pure form.

Jodeci has went on Hiatus. Sometimes fun things never last. K-Ci & JoJo split into their own duo and of course, i helped them with some songs. Dalvin, i don't know what Dalvin is doing. He's just breathing, like the dog he is. Although we split apart, we still have the brotherhood that we built. We may not be a group anymore but we are one in friendship.

Missy and I actually resolved things. We talked about everything I did at Swing Mob and she discussed everything she did at Swing Mob. She was always the special one and I will always respect her as a person and an artist. We are now cordial and she sometimes calls me for musical advice.

Timbaland and I will never be close again. We will never be good. Fuck that fat nigga. I hope he chokes on a hotdog. He has issues with me because of some shit that happened at Swing Mob. Finance and all that other shit. I don't fuck with him for this simple reason. When you worked so hard to build a sense of originality into an industry that wants everything to be the same... and you go and bring that new sound out regardless of the no's and the strange faces that people make, and someone that you was a mentor to goes in and takes all the credit for the shit that you did... there is no turning back. I helped him become who he is right now. I sort of don't like Nyla working with him but one thing is that he makes my beats sound damn good.

All I ask is for credit. Give people their fucking credit.

Because if I wasn't on my pill-

Speaking of pills and shit, my doctor said that I am in stable condition, mentally and that I don't really have to take them anymore. He did say that my anger is not a mental thing, and that it is a choice and that I need to control it.

On the note of anger, I have been really happy lately. It must be something in the air.

The year is 1997 and I'm about to marry my first and only love.

Speaking of 1997, Nyla has been so busy with promotions, music and modeling. I'm happy for her, I really am. She has come a very long way and she deserves everything. But, it's weird because I was so used to me being the one that's on tour, in the studio, doing this and doing that. Now that the roles have been switched, I can't help but feel sort of empty.

And I just said that I was happy, but a nigga can also feel empty so don't even start dickriding in the comments because Donald Earle DeGrate reads comments. Y'all needa chill before Nyla fuck y'all up and that NovaKen girl need to stop fussing about Painkillers, worry about your damn self.

Back to feeling empty, Music will always be important to me and now that I am not doing it, it's weird.

Going back to the topic of comments, y'all need to find some new jokes. The fact that y'all are stealing my Dalvin jokes aren't okay. Y'all are a bunch of Timbaland's and I don't like it. The Alien jokes are played out, find something new. Y'all need to also stop saying I'm not shit because I think we all know this at this point. It's like broken record, shut the fuck up.

I just like how I was so calm and collective when I started and now my emotions are scrambled... scrambled like how Nyla's guts are about to be in a minute when she comes home.

Like my doctor said, control your shit.

I need to learn how to control my shit.

Not just for myself.

But for others around me.

For Nyla.

Did I tell y'all that Justin is out here acting like me? He's playing these girls like it was monopoly. I don't know whether to feel accomplished or disappointed. I don't know and at this point, he's growing up.

Children is also another topic I want to discuss with y'all.

The miscarriage was rough and I do want a child with Nyla.

I'm hoping we can get one soon so I can't him or her to play all the instruments that I know how to play.

I know y'all judgemental ass people really don't want to see me win and are saying "you don't even know how to be a husband yet and you are already thinking about children? You're pathetic" well, shut the fuck up and stop dickriding. Man, I'm tired of y'all comments. Now if I was to jump from this story and whoop y'all ass the DeVante way it would be an issue.

My skinny ass can fuck you up.

Here I go again, being aggressive.

I think I have severe issues.

I'm convinced.

Wait, hold on. I think Nyla just walked through the door.

That's my cue.

I'm gonna see if we can try to get a baby.

Wait that's not a good idea.

We are getting married. How the fuck is she gonna wear the dress if she's pregnant?

Oh, we're getting married in November by the way.

Man, y'all missing so much shit like keep up. And ima need y'all to tell the girl that's writing about the iconic love life of Nyla and I to update more because I feel like when she does update, I always gotta say shit to y'all. I don't even like y'all because Nyla checks the comments and is always giving me looks. Y'all gotta do better.

Okay, Nyla is here so I gotta hit the raw skins.

Like my ugly brother said in that h.i.v awareness ad, Peace Baby.