conversations // prinxiety ✔

♥ 55 - genuinely happy ♥

(a/n: my dad showed me a video of me in the first play i was ever a part of and i feel like andrew rannells during his time in pokemon live.

r e g r e t .)

*virgil's pov*

Logan is feeling less tired and dead inside.

Patton is starting to feel better about himself.

Dolos is opening up a bit more.

Remy is softening. Just a tiny bit. And only to Dolos.

Roman's been feeling way better about everything.

Thomas is feeling amazing.

He's had so many ideas and he's gotten so much done recently.

I felt like I wasn't doing anything.

Obviously, I feel better than I did months ago...

But is it enough?

One day, those thoughts could come back because of something new and shitty marching right into my life.

I turned off those thoughts - or at least I tried to. Thomas was doing really well, and I couldn't ruin that for him.

I ruined everything before, and I knew that everything would start over like a broken record until I die if I kept up being so fucking angsty.

Controlling myself was way easier than it was before, though. It was still difficult, but I couldn't interrupt Logan's focus, or Roman's imagination, or Patton's recovery with my issues. They all went through so much worse.

I was so busy recently that I didn't have these thoughts for a while.

But now that they're back...

I pulled out the book from the back of my closet and sat on my bed. I flipped it to the last page.

Patton: I'm kind of worried about Virgil... He seemed way better but now he's all quiet again.

Remy: He's just going through his angsty teen phase.

Logan: We are almost 30 years old.

Remy: Yeah, well, fuck you.

Dolos: Be nice.

Remy: Heck you.

Dolos: Better.

Roman: I mean, I want to talk to him, but I don't want to bother him.

Patton: Maybe I'll do it! I'm his best friend, after all.

Roman: Maybe!

Logan: Alright.

Roman: Thomas just texted me. I have to go make the thumbnail. Goodbye!

Logan: Bye.

Patton: Bye! Love you!

There were knocks at my door a minute later. I didn't answer, so I put my book under my bed and pretended to be asleep.

"Virgil?"

That was Patton.

"You awake?"

"No."

Shit.

"Oh. Okay. Bye, Virgil! Come out when you're awake!"

Wow.

I heard footsteps walking away before they stopped and got close to the door again. "Wait... You are awake!"

"Welp."

"Can I come in? I know you say that you're asleep when you don't want to talk to people, but maybe I can help?"

"Yeah, you can come in."

"That was easy!" The door opened and he threw his arms around me.

We laid down on my bed side by side.

"So Virgil," he said, "what's been going on? We thought you were doing really good but now you're just avoiding all of us."

"I mean, I don't want to avoid you guys."

"Then don't. Why would you do something that doesn't make you happy?"

"Like... I don't know."

"I know you know."

"Shit."

"Come on, kiddo! You can tell me!"

I shrugged. "Logan's doing better, Roman's doing better, you're doing better, Thomas is getting better, Remy and Dolos are getting better, and I don't know what to do. Everyone's busy doing what they need to but, as Anxiety, I just never have any good jobs. I don't want to bother Thomas, especially. You know how proud the Fanders are of him for finally getting some more sleep?

"I feel like I'd be interrupting the happy shit. After everything Roman's been through, the last thing I want to do is pester him, you know?"

"First of all, language. Second of all, after everything he's been through, don't you think he wants to spend some time with you? He loves you a lot, and he would never think you're a burden if you don't do anything wrong. You know, so many bad things happened these few months. Would he really be fazed by his boyfriend being around him?"

"I guess not."

"Yay! Now go talk to him! He's been worrying about you!"

♥

A few hours later, I told myself that I should let myself be happy more often.

I thought I'd ruin Thomas again by showing up at the end of the Crofters partnership video, but everyone greeted me really happily.

That was getting more common.

It was such an upgrade from just a few months ago.

When the video was over, I put my hands on Roman's face and kissed him softly.

"I will forever hate you for avoiding me," he laughed.

I smirked. "I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too."