my light

11-fall from grace

(ik that's not sean, bear w me friends :))

Kaycee

________

"GABE?" I squealed when I walked into the classroom and saw the brown eyes and floppy hair, baggy tee shirt and ripped jean combo I used to see all the time when I was in Texas with him when I was younger.

"RICE?" he cried, dropping his shoes and standing up, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"OMG!" I shrieked, running over to him and giving him a huge hug. He was so familiar, but not to Kaycee 2018. Maybe Kaycee 2012. But still, my subconscious knew I could trust him. He encased me in a hug and squeezed my head. I pulled apart first, beaming. "You're here for the day? Are you guest mentoring?"

"Nope," he said, grinning. "I've got a surprise for you."

"What?" I said, barely able to contain my excitement. I was so happy he was here. He could give me all the updates on my friends from home, like Tati and Tahani. Oh, how I missed them! And him. We'd been partners for so, so, so long, and I had been so sad when I had to leave him behind in Texas, but I knew L.A. had so many more opportunities. I'd been trying to convince him to join me here as soon as I found out my parent's offer on the house had been accepted.

"I'm coming to ImmaSpace! My parents just bought a combo here, and I remembered you loved it here, so I met with Will and Janelle, and I got accepted into the Beast program!"

"Gabe!!!" I cried, hugging him again. "I'm so happy for you! And I'm so glad you're here!"

"Me too, Kayc," he said, pulling me in close. "Me too."

"Hello hello helloooooooo!" Janelle said, stilettos clicking as she strutted in the door. "Ah, Mr. de Guzman, glad you joined us. Gabriel, everyone," she said, waving to us. "Everyone, Gabriel. Make him feel like he is one of you, because, well, he is! Strength in numbers, my little beasts, and you just became STRONGER!" We all cheered and clapped and went crazy. "Warmup, let's go, let's go!" She said, clapping her hands, and we all instantly got straight to work, as she set down her purse. One thing I loved about Janelle (of the many)-she got straight to business. And she could dance in sky-high stilettos. I can't with her. Too amazing!

After a lot of hip exercising, leg strengthening combos and arm/core work, Janelle addressed us again. "Alright, everyone, today's focus is partner work. We're going to be dancing to Pillowtalk by Zayn, you all familiar?" Some girls squealed, and Janelle laughed. "Alright guys, this is sexy, unlock your inner sexy! Now partner up. There's an even number of girls and guys, so you're welcome for figuring that out ahead of time." Everyone laughed. "Ok guys, let's grab our partners and move onto the floor! Remember to spread out and stay focused. Only good energy in here," JoJo said. I moved to the center, and looked at Gabe. "Partners?" I asked.

"Did you even have to ask?" he said cheekily. I laughed. As we went through the choreo, and we moved together, I remembered why I'd had such a hard time leaving Texas. Even though my studio was a two-room place with no A/C and two teachers with no professional dance background, just a woman and man who had danced in their younger years and loved Dance Moms (I think more for the drama than the art...but shhhh, you didn't hear that from me!!!), and my town was a town where people stayed forever, trapped in the 50s, where everyone says they want to leave but never end up actually leaving, I missed Gabe terribly. Coming to ImmaSpace was so nervewracking. I was only 7, but I'd built such a trusting bond with Gabe, and I suddenly had no one to comfort me, not my teachers or Gabe, in the dance world. Kylie Devon, and my parents tried, but they just weren't immersed or involved enough in the dance world to get it. And then I met Sean. But that's another story. But as we danced, I saw why I'd loved dancing with him so much. It was fun and felt effortless, but the chemistry was forced. Even Janelle saw it. "These lyrics are so powerful, guys," she said, looking at me especially as she and JoJo evaluated our duo. "You really need to tap into that extra special something that's going to send it over the edge. Kaycee, can I see you for a minute? Gabe, work on that turn before the lift. It looks good, but shaky. JoJo, build his confidence on it." As we stepped away from the group and out in the hall, I couldn't help but peer over her shoulder into the classroom across from us, seeing if I could catch a glimpse of Sean. It would be all too perfect if that's where he was, but no, it was a bunch of little girls going on pointe in practice tutus. I giggled silently at the thought of Sean wobbling around in there with them. But Janellle looked serious, so I quickly snapped out of it, although my quick brain hiatus didn't seem to go unnoticed. "That's exactly what I'm talking about, Kaycee," she sighed. "Will told me Sean seemed off today, too. That's why I was late, we were catching up," she explained, and I nodded. "Did you guys get in a fight or something?"

"NO!" I said, a little too quickly, a little too loudly. We had decided to tell our mentors, we just didn't get around to it yet....and man, was I regretting it. Just the opposite actually, I thought. But I didn't feel it was the time to spill the beans, and especially not without Sean here. "Kaycee, you especially, can shine with this piece. I know it's not Sean, but you and Gabe used to work together, so I just can't figure out why you're not all the way "on" right now, " she said, using her fingers to quote/unquote, sounding disappointed. "You normally always have that going for you. Is it just an off day, or do we need to change your partner, or-"

"No, no," I said, waving my hands. "I think my mind is just 100 different places right now, thinking about Gabe back, and World of Dance and-"

"Kaycee, breathe," she said calmly, putting up her hands in a stopping signal. "Keep your mind here. This is hard, yeah, but you love this. You've got such amazing talent, and raw emotion. You dominate this floor everytime you're on it, girl. Stay in this moment, right now, and let this be your escape from all the crazy going on up in here," she said, tapping my head. "Yeah?" She tilted my chain so my eyes met here and squeezed my cheeks. She ruffled my sweaty ponytail. I nodded. "Got it. Thanks Janelle."

"Love ya, daughter Beast," she said, grinning. That was Mama Beast in action, that's for sure. 

I jogged back in, and saw Gabe doing the turn into his position for the lift, and he looked better than he had five minutes ago. I still didn't feel 100% in it, but I shrugged it off as the fact that I'd rather be doing it with Sean. Which I would. Nothing wrong with Gabe, as it wasn't like we couldn't work together, but what Heidi and Howard saw so many years ago in America's Got Talent Judgement Week was right...we just weren't very...together.

But I had to prove to Janelle and JoJo that I wasn't just able to work with Sean when it came to an intimate, guy-girl duet. And if I wanted to act and incorporate my dancing into my acting? Forget it. The June video with Sage was a lucky break, and having Sean there helped so much, but I had to face it, and sooner than later, that Sean wasn't always going to be there, and I needed to do just as fine without him as I could with him. 

I sighed, ran my hands through my hair, and got ready to go again. "You good?" Gabe asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I said, shrugging it off. "Just tired."

"I know I'm not as good as him," he said, looking at the floor. I looked up. 

"No, Gabe, it's not that, I swear-"

"You don't have to lie, Kayc. I know we never connected then as well as you guys do now, but you're the only person I know here, and I'm just trying to get my footing on my first day."

"Gabe, I swear, I'm not even thinking of that-"

"Then what are you thinking about?" he demanded, the hurt evident in his voice. People stopped and looked at us, and JoJo looked over, checking if everything was ok. My face grew hot and I looked at the ground, shuffling my feet. "Just, let's get back to the routine," I mumbled. We kept going, and when we got to the lift, I ran to him, as he was facing the wall, jumped, and landed in a straddle over his right shoulder, but instead of grabbing my arm and flipping me over so I would eventually land on my knees facing the wall too, and stand up gradually from there, Gabe missed my arm, so as he pushed me forwards, only his body moved and my arms weren't supported. My leg slipped, and I called for him. "GABE!" I screamed. "I don't have you!" But as he twisted to try to grab me, it only made it worse.

My legs slid off of him, I could feel myself slipping backwards, and I barely had enough time to scream before my head smacked the ground. I heard Gabe yell for Janelle....and JoJo's face blurrily appeared in front of me...yelling faintly "Kaycee, Kaycee, hold on," but not before I was blinded with a sheet of darkness.

Sean....my brain called out. Help.

But there was nothing.