my light

20-stronger together

warning: a lil mature towards the mid, but it'll be worth it heehee :)

Sean

_______

I woke up, rolled over to check on my beautiful girl, and she was gone. She was gone? I immediately jolted awake, sat straight up, and the swish of my covers sent a piece of paper fluttering to the ground off of the nightstand. I picked it up and read it. 

gone to yoga, be back soon

XOXO

-K

I sighed. Did she go to just to avoid talking to me? Was Kaycee scared of me?

Oh God, what if I hurt her? What if I hurt her? What if I hurt her? I laid there for a while, panicking. What if Kaycee wouldn't tell me that I hurt her, but I did, and all she'd be able to think about was how I hurt her? I sighed, and put my hands over my face and stretched. God. I wanted to go find her, but I also wanted to give her the space she wanted. Her note seemed to imply that she wanted space, and that she'd be back soon. Then we could talk. I tried to go through the moves for one of our opening sequence combinations, but I couldn't stay focused long enough to move through them thoroughly, or actually even think about them at all. 

After I convinced myself to stop worrying and extend my attention span for longer than a second without spazzing about Kaycee, I showered, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and removed the sheets from my bed, putting them in the laundry basket. Memories flooded through my mind, and I sifted through them, trying to pick up anything that would've tipped me off that something went wrong. 

Oh my God....did Kaycee not ever consent? Did she think I forced her to do it?

Oh my God. I had to find her. 

But she didn't want to be with me right now. 

My mind was racing, and my heart was pounding. 

I had to find her.

But first, I needed to think of something to say. How I could approach her. I needed a quiet place where I could think, that wasn't the studio that would remind me of her, that wasn't anywhere where we could run into each other, just a place I could collect my own thoughts, and present them to Kaycee. Somewhere private, away from the eyes of instructors and the media and the rest of the competitors, and God forbid, Rosemary. 

The roof. It was perfect. I'd seen it when Victor briefly showed me the door that led there from our floor. He told me there were benches and fountains and flower gardens and arrangements and hanging trellises covered with the brightest and most exotic flowers you could imagine. He'd also told me that it was a good place to think, a good place to fall in love, and a good place to remember what love felt like, or to heal a hurting love.

I was going there.

Kaycee

________

I was heading to the roof. A peaceful place, like the flower gardens home in L.A. that Sean took me on my first day there. I did most of my thinking there, and the owner knew me, and she knew that I went there to escape things, like the pressures of juggling fame and an area I wasn't in much expertise with, normal 15 year old girl life. Maria, the woman who owned the gardens, had a daughter too, Delilah, but Delilah, before I even moved to L.A., had decided the allure of the New York City lights was too strong for her to stay with her roots in California, and left her brokenhearted widowed mother behind. Maria had fallen in love with my family, and she always babied me. She'd sing to me in Spanish as I would cry about not mastering a new move, or not being allowed to go play with the neighborhood kids because I had to do homeschooling, or not being allowed to take selfies with the few friends I'd acquired from outside of the dance world.