(formerly all my love) Sean and Kaycee are best friends. They're incredible dancers. As they try begin to navigate the water of teen love, an unspeakable event occurs that leaves the two shellshocked and fighting to hold onto each other as they also...
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AN: hi y'all so i'm thinking of just doing it in kaycee's voice for a while if that flies with you :)
also have a major life decision to make so help a gal out in the comments (info at the bottom)
Kaycee
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From the outside looking in, everything looked normal. I was a girl in a big hotel in New York City, an artist (if I could call myself that, I wasn't really sure...), looking to make my big break. From the inside looking out, however, I was questioning what my normal really was. I had it narrowed down to a science, which I'd carefully explained to Eva as she listened carefully over the phone in Minnesota. The days without Sean were structured with just the right amount of fluidity, not so much routine I'd break, but enough to keep me from breaking.
I knew going into the Cut was going to be hard. We began rehearsal tomorrow, and I was nervous. I'd been playing out the scene thousands of times in my head. How would it go down? Would he choose music that was reflecting what was going on? That's a very Sean thing to do. What song would it be? How would dancing be? If we got eliminated, was that going to be what we blamed it on? What if we fought? What if we split? Who would stay? Who would go home? Would it be silent...? I didn't know.
The boy that once lit up my life always said the one thing scarier than answers you don't want is silence you can't break.
Silence. There it was again. The word was invading my life, the song coming up more than it should, the moves floating their way into my everyday routines, the memories being churned up, the burning sensation each one left worse than the last. I hated it. Everything triggered some sort of memory of him, and I forbid myself from letting my mind wander too long. I had tried letting myself address it, but ended up breaking down. Rumors had surfaced, and I wasn't stupid. I wasn't trying to turn a blind eye, although I wished I could have.
"I heard he's with a new girl." was the biggest one. I hadn't asked him about it. If anyone had asked me, I'd have said it's because I hadn't asked him anything, as we hadn't even spoken, but I was afraid. Afraid of the answer. Through it all, he was still him. My guy.We were supposed to get through everything together. Together. Not apart.
I sat on my bed cross-legged, my chem notebook sitting on my lap, my laptop open in front of me. I wasn't feeling any music. I really hadn't been, except for the occasional burst of emotional toughness where I felt that I could listen to an emotional song and turn it into some killer choreo. The silence, there it was again, was becoming peaceful. Maybe sometimes, it was all the background noise I needed.
Or more realistically, that's what life felt like without him.
It's a weird thing. I couldn't explain it then. I still can't today. Missing someone, even though they've wronged you...even though they left in the middle of something...without an explanation, after all of the promises that you'd always work everything out? People tell you it's not good to do, and that you should just move on and find someone better, that you can do better, and you will do better, but in those dark moments, when you're alone with your thoughts, and you know what's in your heart, versus what your head and everyone else's opinions are urging you to do, you just know.
