EPILOGUE
Will you?
Minsan iniisip ko, what if hindi namin minadali ang mga bagay bagay. What if we chose things differently? What if we were stronger? What if we trusted more, instead of constantly doubting?
What if.
I really hate this what ifs.
Siguro nga hindi na mawawala yun sa buhay ng tao. Ang mga pagkakataon at mga panghihinayang. At siguro nga, you can never fully prepare yourself for something, especially in love. Dahil darating at darating ka sa point kung saan babalikan mo ang mga nangyari at mapapasabi ka nalang ng 'what if?'.
Nakakainis isipin na ang tanga tanga ko noon. Me and my stupid decisions. Thank you freaking teenage hormones! I was so high with what we had that i forgot to see through all the happiness. Sabi kasi nila 'you only live once'! Masyado ko namang sinagad. It's true that you only live once, but atleast live a life that you would be proud to tell to your children and your grandchildren.
I was busy sulking in my reverie when I heared a knock. It's been a year noong naka-uwi ako sa Pinas. When Stephen died, i couldn't help but blame myself. Wala akong mukhang maiharap sa mga magulang niya, though they are not blaming me for anything. They are even thankful that I was there for him and that made me feel more miserable. Was I ever a help for Stephen? Pakiramdam ko kasi ako ang may kasalanan ng lahat.
"Baby?" Mom said while opening the door. "A package arrived."
A package? I turned to look at her. "Kanino daw po galing?"
"I'll just place it here Phia." And placed a small box on the table infront of the tv. She gave me a small smile and left. That. Was. Weird.
Tumayo ako at umupo sa sofa para tingan yung package at muntik ko na iyong malaglag. Is this some kind of a prank? Tumingin ako sa paligid para tingnan kung may mga camera ba sa paligid at nasa isang tv show na pala ako. Hinintay ko ding bumalik si mama para sabihing 'Happy April Fools!' kahit June na ngayon.
Pero wala.
What the fudge! A package from Stephen. Nakita kong nabasa ng konti yung box, naiyak na pala ako? I wept my tears at doon ko lang din napansin na nanginginig ako. If this is a joke, this must be one hell of a good one, or else all hell will break loose!
Marahan kong binuksan ang box. A letter and a cd. Nakalagay doon sa letter na 'read this first.'
Dear Sophia:
If you are reading this then it must have been exactly 1 year since I died. Gustohin ko mang sabihin sayo lahat ng mga bagay na ito sa personal ay hindi ko magawa. Maybe because im scared of your possible reactions, i'm scared to see you cry. I hope this video would help you.
I was crying my heart out that i cant even bring myself to stand up to play the damn cd. Stephen! Ang arte arte mo! May ganito ko pang nalalaman. Leche ka! I tried to calm myself pero parang sirang gripo ang mga mata ko at ayaw nilang tumigil sa pag-iyak. Akala ko after 1 year ay nabawasan na yung sakit, pero hindi pala.
The day I came back to the Philippines, everything changed. Nagkukulong lang ako sa bahay. I limit myself from talking to anyone. One time Ranz forced me to went shopping with her and little did I know that she planned it so Jace and I would have some time to talk. Pero pagkakita ko palang kay Jace ay tumulo na agad ang mga luha ko. I missed him so damn much! But I can't bring myself to see him because he reminds me of Stephen. You may say i'm being stupid or over reacting, but thats just how i see it.
