Saudade [COMPLETED]

Chapter 17

I open my candy box and immediately get as many as I can and put it on my mouth.

I seriously need to talk to Kegann to clear things out. There's no better words to say it cause I know at the end of the day I'll still hurt him but I think it's better to do it now than to prolong the agony.

Mas lalong pinapatagal mas lalong lalaki ang pinsala.

Thinking about what we have been through Sana lang maintindihan niya na hanggang pagkakaibigan lang ang kaya kong ibigay.

Pumunta ako sa comfort room para mag ayos ng sarili at para ihanda ang sarili. I start pep talking myself.

"This should be done Haiz! The sooner the better! There's no easy way kesa paasahin ang tao sa wala." I started fixing my game face on.

I subtly put a pink lipgloss on, a waterproof mascara and few spray of Chanel no.5 and I think I'm ready.

Really hoping that Kegann would understand because I don't want him mad at mas lalo na ayaw ko na masayang ang pinagsamahan namin.

I grace my way to his building. I texted him I'll wait outside his class para makapag usap kami.

Agad niya akong nakita at nginitian. I smiled at him too.

"Free cut?" He asked. I just nodded at him.

"So you got an hour before your next class right?" Naglakad ako papalayo sa building nila at papalalit sa mga puno sa gilid ng field.

He nodded too as he followed.

Nakatayo kami sa lilim ng puno ng narra habang tanaw namin ang field sa harap at kanilang building naman sa likod.

"Kegann I just need to clear things out." I said in a serious tone.

I didn't hear any response from him after I said it.

"Kegann you are very dear to me, I hope you know that. But... I only see you as a friend." Buong lakas ng loob ko iyong sinabi kahit nasasaktan din ako nasabihin ito sakanya.

Kegann is an amazing guy. If I didn't fell for Blue first malamang ay nahulog ako sakanya.

"So you won't give me a chance to prove myself to you?" Bakas ang sakit at pagtatampo sa boses niya.

This is harder than what I've imagine!

I bit my lower lip.

"Kegann kasi... ayaw kitang paasahin at saktan kung sa una palang alam ko na kung ano at sino ang gusto ko. I don't want to be unfair to you." Paliwanag ko.

He look back straight in to my eyes.

"I think you're being unfair Haiz. It's unfair that you wouldn't even consider my feelings for you,or let alone allow me to show you my feelings for you. Am I not deserving like Blue?" Halos mapunit ang puso ko sa sinabi ni Kegann.

"Kegann..." napapaos na sabi ko.

I'm aware that I'm inflicting him pain, but i still stand with my decision. It's better to hurt him now than to hurt him later and turn it deeper.

"You are deserving Kegann, so deserving that's why you don't deserve someone like me who cannot reciprocate your feelings."

Isang mahabang katahimikan ang nangyari bago siya nag salita.

"Maybe you're right or maybe you're wrong, but as someone who really likes you I just want you to be happy. If you 're already decided about it, then I'm gonna respect it. But if ever you change your mind... I'm just here for you Haiz." Isang malungkot na ngiti ang iginawad niya saakin bago tuluyang umalis.