Saudade [COMPLETED]

Chapter 21

Before, when I was asked how would I connect an ugly pain in to the beauty of love, my answer was "Pain makes us feel that we are alive, that we feel the intensity of love through the intensity of pain because when we love deeply that's when it hurts deeply too when it's lost."

"That Love isn't love without pain. When love is there, pain is within it."

"That the beauty of love therefore is also the beauty of pain."

I have never fully understood it not until this day came.

I know I have really lost Kegann and every time I think about it my heart bleeds.

I met Kegann when I was 13 and he was 18, couple of guys were bullying me for dumping their friend.

Funny how history repeats itself, but this time it's Kegann's best friend picking on me because It's Kegann who I dumped.

"What do you think are you guys doing!?" His voice was full of authority and power that the guy my age began running.

"Are you okay Princess? Did they hurt you?" Tuluyan na akong naiyak sa pagtatanong niya.

Funny yet again how I fought my urge to cry when the guys my age bullying me yet sa tanong niya ay naiyak ako.

He took out his white handkerchief, and instead of handing it to me to wipe my own tears, he wiped my tears away.

"It's okay princess, no one will hurt you now. I'm already here." He said in his sweet voice yet his shy.

I nodded and smiled.

His green eyes sparkle.

"Suits you better." He smiled.

"T-thank you. By the way my name is Hailey but you can call me Haiz." Bakas sa mukha niya ang mangha at medyo natagalan pa siya sa pag abot ng aking kamay.

"Nice to meet you Haiz. My name is Kuya Kegann." He said after getting back on his track.

"Hailey!" Ria shouted my name from afar.

"Alright Kegann. Thank you again and see you around!"

He smiled widely with what I just said but nervertheless nodded.

I ran going where Ria was but I looked back at Kegann only to see how he smiled brightly as he watch me go.

Not unlike before, I won't be seeing him smiling at me as I go because now he already sent me to my happiness.

Blue, Ria, Cross, Vrytonn and Sade never found out what happened with me, Kegann and Taus.

I told them last night that I felt really tired from all the activities kaya maaga akong matutulog which is half true.

But I wasn't able to sleep the whole night thinking of what just happened with me and Kegann. I lost him and it's horrible.

"Are you still tired Haiz? Do you wanna go home already?" Nag aalalang tanong ni Blue.

"No Blue I'm fine. We'll definitely do what we have planned for today." I gave him a reassuring smile and he nodded.

We planned going snorkelling today so we did but Vrytonn, Sade, Cross and Ria decided going in for a dive habang gusto naman ni blue na mag lakad lakad kami sa puting buhangin.

Mag kahawak kamay kami ni Blue habang naglalakad sa dalampasigan.

I love how the sun shines so bright while the waves are tamed.

"Are you happy baby?" Blue was smiling as he said those words.

I honestly don't know how would I answer it.
My brain is telling me that I should be happy cause again Blue is with me. I have long prayed and hoped for this kind of attention and affection that he's giving me, that this moment is what I've dreamed of and finally became a reality, but then a part of my heart died. It died for a reason that isn't vivid to me.