Saudade [COMPLETED]

Chapter 37

After reading my last entry on the diary 6 years ago I stopped.

Remembering why you hated the person you used to love was draining.

When I left the Philippines I thought that's the end of Blue's manipulation, but I was wrong. Totally wrong.

His lies about our relationship sparked rumours that we are promised together. I wasn't able to correct it for the past years kasi mapapahiya lang ako at ang parents ko.

When I was abroad I put all my focus on my studies with the goal to finish it already and be credible to correct the lies of a very successful Engineer and Saleco. Engineer Saleco.

Then again, when I thought I was credible enough with a double degree and Latin awards on my shoulder, I came home only to be manipulated again.

"You'll work as Blue's secretary Hailey, for you to be trained by him and the great architects around him." My dad commanded.

"But Dad I already applied at Sullivan's and already got the job!" I reasoned.

"Why would you apply to someone else's company when you can be a help to your boyfriend's company? Kayo rin naman ang magpapalago noon kapag nagpakasal na kayo! Nahihibang ka na ba Hailey!?" Dumagundong ang sigaw ni daddy sa buong bahay.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi sumunod. I was again trapped with his manipulation.

At some point, when I was studying I just tried to make amends with Blue and just accept everything all in.

Kasi baka siya talaga ang para saakin kaya mahirap makawala.

There were times that we're okay and I thought I'll just end up forgetting his wrongs to me and honestly I really tried, but being possessed by him feels like I'm a dog on leash at hindi makawala.

And Love isn't supposed to be like that because Love is freeing.

Love should be a feeling of belonging not possessing.

Nakatulog ako sa pag iisip. Sunday and I decided to visit an art gallery I was invited to.

"Oh darling Hailey! I'm glad you're able to come!" Bumeso ako sa humanities teacher ko noon at ngumiti.

"Thank you Mrs. Tiongson." I politely said.

"I hope next time you'll be able to bring some of your art pieces and have it displayed! You're one of the most talented students I ever handled! I can't forget your artwork SAUDADE because it was the most beautiful expressionism artwork I have ever seen!" I blushed a little on what she said.

Saudade is an artwork very close to my heart and if not my favourite art work. It was inspired by a man who was and still very dear to me, though I have only caused him pain and agony.

Naglakad lakad ako upang makita ang ibat ibang painting na naka display sa gallery pagkatapos mag pasalamat sa dating guro.

A surrealism painting caught my attention. It was a beautiful painting of a long haired girl wearing a red dress looking at the sunset at the sea shore.

"Name: My beautiful sunset. Artist: Green-Iris." Halos lumundag ang puso ko sa lalaki na nagbasa ng detalyeng iyon sa likod ko.

Unti-unti akong humarap sakanya. Our eyes met and I can feel my heart almost exploding with emotions I couldn't name.

"Kegann..." I called.

"Hailey." He said. Plain and stoic as if he's just calling an old friend. Lalo akong tumitig sa mata niya only to realise that it's no longer the same look he used to give me.