Saudade [COMPLETED]

Chapter 43

"Blue." I said after entering his office.

Last night I called him, I told him that I needed to see him today. I need to sort out the things that's unclear between the two of us. We need to talk. We need to end us properly.

I deep sigh.

He was facing the outside of the building and looking right through the glass window.

He didn't turn his head to face me when I called him so I walked beside him.

"We need to talk Blue." Doon palang siya tumingin saakin.

His eyes was voided with emotion.

"Talk." He said. Looking back again on the skyscrapers outside.

"I'm sorry... I thought I should begin with that, we hurt each other and I hated you for years , you manipulated my life, you fooled me and the people around me and you used me. I became your living trophy. I was wounded and hurt because of that, hindi kasi mag sink in saakin na kayang gawin ng pinakamamahal ko noon ang mga bagay na ganon..." I smiled bitterly, thinking of the pain I've been through.

He looked at me, now with sadness in his eyes.

"Yes I hated you for years, but that doesn't erase the fact that I also loved you. You were my first love Blue and I have always thought that I'm incapable of loving someone else because you were the one I love first..."

"I know that you loved me too Blue... but I know that it wasn't enough for us to get married, especially if you have a different motive other than love. Kasi Blue yung pagmamahal na meron ka sakin it's not pure love. If it's pure love then it shouldn't be possessing, hating, using and maddening." A tear escaped from my eyes.

"Sana maramdaman mo din yung pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko ngayon, the kind of love that even how much it wants to possess you, it will always let you go because it wants you to grow and to be free. The kind of love that's freeing and fleeting."

I  smiled thinking of the man I love whose probably busy with his business meeting.

"Blue let's end us." I finally said after a moment of silence.

He nodded and bit his lower lip and there was again a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry." He finally said.

"I'm sorry for every bad thing I did Hailey, for all the pain I inflicted you and for not loving you the way you deserve to be loved." He added.

I'm now seeing the man I first love, but like what I've said before he'll just remain as my first love.

"You're forgiven Blue. I have forgiven you a long time ago when I have forgiven myself. Now all I wanted to say is thank you, thank you for the memories and learnings that you and our story have taught me. It may be the end of us but surely it's not the end of our individual love story. I wish you nothing but the best Blue. Goodbye." I smiled after saying goodbye.

He nodded and smiled back at me.

I slowly walked out of his office feeling that the baggage I have been carrying for years has finally been lifted.

Bago lumabas sa Saleco building ay nag paalam ako sa mga dating katrabaho.

My parents talked to the Saleco for my clearance in their company when I was away.  I'm cleared and I don't think I'll be coming back here anymore.

This is really the start I have hoped for.

Pagkatapos ang pamamaalam ay nag drive ako papunta sa opisina ni Kegann. It's not very far from here kaya lang I don't have an appointment kaya baka hindi ako papasukin at mag hihintay nalang ako matapos ang trabaho niya.