New Year's Day by Taylor Swift
'You squeeze my hand three times'
6:24am
9th August 2019
With my head resting on the edge of the hospital bed I remained with one of my hands over the top of Shawn's as the other moved softly up and down his arm. Everyone else had now left the room. Karen and Manny had gone back home to drop Aaliyah off and to wash up, while Liam went home to change and to also go back to my place to grab some stuff for Shawn and I.
Hours had past since the doctor had told us about the risks surrounding Shawn's surgery and right now that was the only thing going through my mind.
Just the thought of Shawn possibly waking up and not remembering me or anyone, or just not remembering something so important, absolutely terrified me.
He's my bestfriend.
He's the one I'm head over heels inlove with.
There's nothing more terrifying then the possibility of someone you have shared so many memories with forgetting any moment they had with you.
As much as that thought terrified me I was beyond relieved and thankful that Shawn was alive and okay. I know it's going to be a long road to recovery but one thing I know for sure is that through each step he takes I'll be right there beside him.
"When you wake up Shawn-" I spoke softly as I brushed my fingers along his slightly warmer skin, my head still resting next to his arm on the bed.
"No matter what happens, please just promise me that you'll always remember that I love you" I whispered as I closed my eyes, trying to imagine that Shawn was talking back to me.
With my eyes closed I began to picture everything about Shawn from the last 2 years we had been together.
I could picture his big brown locks which my fingers would always get tangled in every morning and night. I could see his dimpled lips which were never too short of a smile. I could imagine the feeling of his warm skin and how it would comfort me with every touch.
And that's when I felt something.
I could suddenly feel something move against my hand as it laid over the top of Shawn's.
Lifting my head up I slowly opened my eyes before looking towards our hands.
Immediately my heart began racing as I watched as Shawn's fingers slowly lingered across my hand.
Biting down on my lip I felt the urge to cry as he obviously struggled to move his fingers even in the slightest.
Feeling my eyes begin to water I felt my heart begin to explode with even a little bit of joy as Shawn began intertwining his fingers with mine.
"Shawn" I whispered, my voice breaking as I felt his hand squeeze mine ever so gently.
Looking up to his face he was still fast asleep, no twitch on movement in any of his features.
"I love you so much" I said softly before leaning up and carefully pressing a kiss to Shawn's cheek.
As my lips connected with his skin I felt Shawn's hand faintly squeeze mine three times.
"Yes" I felt the tears begin to prick my eyes as I placed another kiss on Shawn's cheek.
"I'm here"
-/
7:13am
9th August 2019
Playing with Shawn's fingers Liam sat around the otherside of the bed as the two of us still waited for Shawn to wake up.
"Has he moved anymore?" Liam asked as I watched my fingers moving with Shawn's.
"No" I shook my head.
"But that's okay, he knows I'm here so that's enough for me to know"
"Enough for you to know what?" Liam said as I looked up from our hands and over at him.
"To know that he remembers me" I gave him a small smile ad Liam's eyes faded info sympathy.
"Look, Eloise, I know that him in squeezing your hand must be a relief but we can't know for sure what he's going to remember" Liam sighed as I felt slight annoyance rise up inside of me.
"It was a sign Liam, I know he can hear me" I tried to ignore the possibility of Shawn forgetting me as Liam persisted on making sure that I didn't get my hopes up.
"He may hear you but how do you know that he actually knows who's speaking" Liam sighed.
I knew that he was just trying to put the truth out there but right now he was sucking every last bit of hope I had left in me.
"He knows my voice" I replied as Liam let out a deep breath and stood up from his chair.
"I know how much you want him to know who you are but please just consider what if he doesn't. Then what?" Liam said rather harshly as he dug his hands into his trouser pockets.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to make this situation even more hard?" I argued back, feeling a knot tighten in my chest.
"I'm just facing facts Eloise. You heard the doctor, Shawn's going to forget one of us" Liam snapped as he pulled his hands out of his pocket and rested them on the end of the bed.
"You don't know that! He could be in that 20% that don't forget" I groaned in aggravation.
"Do you understand how much the odds are against us?" Liam widened his eyes.
"Why have you got to be so negative? Why can't you just hope that he's going to be okay?" I argued, my voice getting a little louder.
"Trust me, I'm putting all my fucking energy into hoping that he's going to be okay. I'm just trying to face the truth here" Liam sighed.
"If you witnessed what I saw then maybe you would understand how hard it is for me to be the most optimistic about this"
"What do you mean if I had witnessed what you saw? What are you even talking about?" I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched Liam's eyes fade into sadness, and somewhat guilt.
"When I went to look for Shawn I could have stopped it" Liam's voice went quiet as he stared down at the floor in guilt.
"What do you mean?" I felt my eyes widen a little, my skin crawling with shivers as I intensely waited for his response.
"I could have stopped him getting shot" Liam mumbled.
"I could have saved him"
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Fanfiction[Completed] "How can I ever love you when I don't even know who you are?" Shawn asked, his voice quiet as he pulled his shaky hand out of mine. "Because you were inlove with me once and I know you too well to know that you can fall for me all over a...
