Devoted S.M

•Fifty-eight•

Shawn
-x-

11:10am
22nd September 2019

The whole drive home I was a mess. I crying so much that I'm surprised I didn't lose control of the car. Finally parking up at my parents house I jumped out the car before slamming the door behind me.

Clenching the car keys in my hand I stormed my way towards the front before abruptly opening it. Flinging the door back shut behind me I darted hastily up the stairs before going straight into my room.

"Shawn?" I heard my mum call out.

Ignoring her I slammed my door shut before pulling my hoodie off and chucking it on the floor. Plunging heavily down onto my bed I clasped my hands together infront of me before leaning my head forward into my lap.

Holding my eyes shut I let out a deep breath to try and control my breathing as I felt my cries begin to turn into weeps. What once were silent tears had turned into loud sobs of pain and absolute agony.

"Shawn, hunny?" I heard my mum's soft voice as my door creeped open.

"Oh Shawn, what's happened?" She worried, obviously seeing how much of a mess I was.

Feeling mum sit down next to me, I couldn't even find it in me to talk. Instead I just continued to cry as she held her hands on my shoulders to comfort me.

"Did you go see Eloise?" She asked, soothing her hand up and down my back.

I nodded, opening my eyes before sitting up and letting out an unsteady breath.

"She err-" I tried to get my words out but I was too worked up that my throat felt swollen and was now hiccuping.

"She ended things" I barely got out before letting out another aching sob.

"Hunny, I'm so sorry" my mum sighed before taking me in a hug.

"I'm going to miss her so much" I cried out, my voice constantly breaking as I tightly held my arms around my mum.

"Oh I know you will" she softly spoke

"I just wanted things to work between us, I care about her so much" I cried, clenching my eyes together.

"I know how hard it must feel right now, but trust me when I say that it does get easier" mum comforted as she pulled back from the hug to look at me.

"I genuinely think I could have fallen inlove with her mum" I wept.

-x-

7:56pm

I had skipped both lunch and dinner today, my body too numb and drained to even do anything. The only time I would move from my bed was when I needed the toilet.

Laying on my back I repeatedly threw my small basketball up in the air before catching it each time.

My head was spinning. All that I could think about was Elle and how everything between us went from being so sweet to turning so sour.

I couldn't understand how she could go from fighting to keep me and our love to wanting to get rid of me altogether. The worst thing about all this isn't just that I lose her but I also lose our baby. Sure, she'll probably let  me be involved but I won't get to be along side throughout the whole pregnancy or when our baby grows up. That in itself was a hard pill to swallow.

Hearing a knock at my door I called for them to come in as I remained laying down and throwing the ball up in the air

Looking over at the door I rolled my eyes as soon as I saw Liam stood there.

"What do you want?" I mumbled before looking back up at the celin.

"I just came to see if you were okay, I heard about you and Eloise" Liam sighed as he stood in the doorway.

"I take it she told you then?" I grumbled, putting the ball to the side of me before sitting up.

"She's a mess Shawn. She's at mine right now with Heidi and I've never seen her so upset before" Liam explained as he walked a little further into the room.

"Did she say anything to you about why she ended it?" I sadly asked, as I frowned down at the floor.

"She just said that she couldn't take being the cause of your pain anymore" he sighed as I painfully looked up at him, feeling my heart shatter even more than what was already possible.

"I don't know what I'm suppose to do next" I mumbled.

"For now, to take your mind off things, why don't you come out with us guys and play some basketball?" Liam suggested.

"You know, I still hate your guts right now, right?" I rose my eyebrows at him.

"And I don't blame you, but I still want to help you" Liam replied with an exasperated sigh.

"Fine, I'll come, but I'm not being on your team" I replied before standing to find some sport clothes I could wear.

-x-

8:43pm

Dribbling the ball up the court I felt the sweat dripping down my naked chest as my short growth of hair stuck to my forehead.

Reaching the net I jumped up before shooting a hoop, the ball going straight in, in one clean motion.

"Still got it Shawn" Kyle said as he caught the ball after it bounced off the floor.

"I forgot how great it felt to play" I laughed lightly as placed my hands on  my sides, trying to catch my breath back.

"Maybe, now that you're single again, you can work and train towards being a professional basketball player like you always wanted?" Liam suggested, raising an eyebrow at me as Kyle threw the ball to him.

"I don't know" I sighed, frowning at the reminder of being single.

"Liam's right. I mean before Eloise came into the picture you had always wanted to play for a team, why not take this loss as a gain and make something of yourself?" Kyle added, the ball now being passed to me.

"What about the job I have now?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows together.

"It's not like you remember any of it Shawn, you might aswell work towards something new which you'll actually love" Liam replied, making me nodd in thought as I bit on my lip.

"The only thing which held you back last time was leaving Eloise behind, but what's there stopping you now?"

Looking down at the ground I stood there deep in though, hopeful about the idea of possibly being able to achieve the dream I had always wanted since I was thirteen. But the longer I thought, the more I realised that there was something stopping me from going and doing what I wanted to do.

"My baby"

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Sorry it took so long for me to get a chapter out! I hope you liked it!
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