Devoted S.M

•Twenty-eight•

10:30am
9th August 2019

Gently moving my thumb over Shawn's knuckles he layed there fast asleep as his quiet snores filled the room.

Eventually after having drained himself out with all his crying he fell asleep, his hand still resting in mine.

We still hadn't talked about what the next move was for us. It still hadn't sunk in for him that I was girlfriend, so god knows what's going to happen when he wakes up.

All I could think about was the possibility of him waking up and deciding that he wants nothing to do with me, or waking up and refusing to believe that we're inlove. What if does  believe me but chooses not to build things back up with me?

Disturbing me from my thoughts there was a gentle knock at the door following by it peaking open to reveal Karen holding to cups of, what I assume to be, coffee.

"Hey hunny, how you feeling?" Karen gave me a soft smile as she walked towards me, keeping her voice a whisper so she didn't wake Shawn.

"I'm okay, just exhausted" I returned a faint smile as I reached out with my spare hand and took the coffee from her.

She pulled her lips into a sad and sympathic smile before walking round to the otherside of the bed and scanning her eyes over Shawn's face.

"How long has he been asleep?" Karen asked as moved her fingers carefully over the top of his head.

"About thirty minutes" I sighed, taking a sip of my drink as my eyes focused on Shawn's delicate face.

"How did he take you telling him you're his girlfriend?" Karen asked as she sat down on the chair beside the bed.

"He didn't believe me at first" I sighed sadly.

"He thinks he's still in college and he insisted that he's never had a girlfriend before"

"Wait, he's lost two years of his memory?" Karen gasped a little.

"Yeah, I literally missed his memory by a couple of weeks" I could feel my throat become dry as small tears began to prick the corner of my eyes.

"He just kept apologising about how he couldn't remember me. He wouldn't stop crying"

"I'm so sorry Eloise" Karen said softly as I felt faint tears begins to fall down my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry too" my voice broke as streams of tears began soaking against my skin.

"For what hunny? You have nothing to be sorry for" Karen sighed sadly as she got up from her chair and made her way around to me.

"But I do" I hiccuped as Karen gently took the coffee from my hand and placed it on the table.

"I should never have thrown him a party. All Shawn wanted was a small get together with a few friends"

"We all saw his reaction Eloise, he absolutely loved the surprise" Karen said sweetly as she held my hand in comfort.

"No one was to know what was going to happen last night. Please don't ever blame yourself for what happened"

I just continued to cry as pulled my hands of Karen and Shawn's grasp. I hid my face in the palm of my hands as tears splurged down my face.

"Oh hunny, come here" Karen sadly sighed as I felt her arms wrap around me, gently pulling me into a hug.

-/

11:21am

I could hear the faint talking of people as I slowly woke up from a much needed nap. Keeping my eyes closed I gave myself time to fully wake up as I found myself listening in to the conversations going on around me

"So what do you think you're going to do about things with Eloise?  I heard Liam ask.

"I don't know, I still can't quite believe that she's my girlfriend" Shawn sighed in response.

"In a good way or a bad way?" Liam responded.

I could feel my heart rate quicken as I intensely waited for Shawn to reply.

"I guess both. I mean it's great because she seems like such a sweet girl and part of me is like woah, how did I manage to get such a hot girl like that?" Shawn firstly said causing me to smile to myself, his words igniting some sort of hope in me.

"But then the bad thing is that I don't have any memory. I know it's hurting her but how can I be her boyfriend when I don't even love her?"

The little bit of hope I had left instantly vanished, instead being replaced with a heartwrenching pain. It's impossible to explain the feeling of hearing that your boyfriend doesn't love you. What makes it worse is that it's not even his fault.

"I'm sorry, man. I know it's gotta be hard for you" Liam sighed, making me angry at the fact that I knew all of this was his fault.

"Yeah well it's got to be a whole lot harder for her" Shawn's voice was soft and gentle as I felt his hand move onto the top my head, after I had fell asleep leaning on the side of his bed.

His fingers began to move through my hair with such delicacy as if he was scared to hurt me. His warm touch bought me both love and sadness, the love of having him touch me again but also having the sadness of knowing that his touch wasn't for the same reasons as it use to be.

Deciding to finally open my eyes I gradually adjusted my sight to the light before peering up at Shawn who was already staring down at me.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice a little scratchy as he continued to play with my hair.

"I'm fine" Shawn gave me a small smile, but I could see right through it.

All I could see was the pain on his face and how upset he was.

"Are you okay?"

"I guess" I shrugged before letting out a quiet yawn.

I then felt Shawn's hand fall from my hair, ofcourse making me feel sad as I felt a void from the loss of his touch.

Lifting my head up I sat back up right in my chair before sorting out my hair so it wasn't as such a great mess.

"You were out like a light" Liam commented as I looked, my eyes blazing up at him.

"I'm not surprised" I grumbled, shooting daggers at him before standing up so I could stretch my legs.

"Are you always this grumpy when you wake up?" Shawn clueslessly asked as I looked over at him to see his eyebrows raised.

"It depends on who I'm waking up to" I replied, again firing daggers at Liam for a quick second.

"Did you wake up happy with me?" Shawn hesitantly asked, sounding unsure of whether he should have ever asked in the first place.

"Ofcourse I did Shawn, everyday" I sighed, my eyes full of heartache as I looked back over at him.

I watched the pain flush through his face, instantly making me feel guilty.

"I mean, unless I had a hangover. On those mornings I was a pain in the ass" I joked, trying to make him feel a little better without having to be so serious.

Thankfully it worked as Shawn broke with a slight smile, his nostrils puffing out with air as if he was going to laugh.

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I've finally got a new chapter up! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while but I've just been so busy l. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and let me know what you think!
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