Devoted S.M

•Thirty•

5:56pm
9th August 2019

Opening the door to Shawn's hospital room I felt Liam's presence behind me.

As I walked into the room I automatically caught Shawn's attention who was watching something on Aaliyah's phone as she layed on the bed, beside him.

At first he smiled but then his face grew into concern as he looked at me.

"Are you okay? You look a little pale" Shawn said as I walked further into the room, Liam moving to the side of me.

"She just threw up a little bit in the car" Liam sighed as I took Shawn's bag off my shoulder and placed it on the table at the end of his bed.

"Oh, are you ill?" Shawn asked, genuine concern on his face.

"No, I just haven't eaten all day" I shook my heard, my throat still a little scratchy.

"I need to go get my car cleaned up as soon as possible, I'll be back in around an hour" Liam announced as I remained standing at the end of Shawn's bed, refusing to look at Liam.

"Okay, bye man" Shawn waved Liam off before turning his attention onto Aaaliyah.

"Hey, Aaliyah, go find mum and dad okay? I need to talk to Elle for a sec" Shawn said to Aaliyah.

She nodded before hopping off the bed. I gave her a smile as she walked pass, to which she returned, before she eventually left the room.

"So what did you bring?" Shawn asked, obviously trying to fill the time with small talk before he speaks to me about what is actually on his mind.

"Just some hoodies and anything comfortbale to wear really" I said as I unzipped the bag.

"I also bought some of your favourite snacks which you won't be able to get here"

"Thankyou" Shawn smiled.

I just gave him a tight smile back before awkwardly standing there, awaiting for Shawn to speak again.

"So, I err- I wanted to talk to you about what's going to happen with us" Shawn hesitantly said as he looked down at his hands.

"Oh sure, I've been thinking about it alot too" I said, a little croaky, as I began fiddling with my fingers out of nerves.

"Its just, you seem like such a lovely girl Elle and it physically aches me to know that you're inlove with me while I'm sat here having no clue who you are" Shawn sighed as he lifted his eyes up until they were connected with mine.

I could read the guilt and ache in his eyes as he stared at me. All I could do was share the exact same feelings, the love I had for him making this a million times harder.

"I wish I could remember, even just a little bit. I hate that you're here with me, caring and loving me, while I'm just sat here, basically, letting a stranger look after me"

"I'm not a stranger, Shawn" I sighed, feeling the urge for like the millionth time today.

"Yes, for you that may be, but for me that's all you are" Shawn's voice was softly as he sadly watched me.

Biting down on my bottom lip I looked away from him for a second, letting out a heavy breath to stop myself from crying.

"Elle?" Shawn said causing me to look back at him.

"So what do you wanna do Shawn?" I simply asked, itching for the answer I wanted to hear.

"Do you want to fight for us or do you want to pretend you and I never existed?"

"Please don't make me feel guilty, Elle" Shawn sighed as he rubbed his hand over the top of his shaved head.

"I'm not trying to Shawn. You just don't understand how it is for me right now" I said.

"I don't understand?" Shawn said in disbelief, his eyes shifting into confusion as he stared up at me widely.

"Can you see where I am right now? Can you see that I'm stuck in a hospital bed, wired up to all of these machines?" Shawn snapped.

"You think this is only hard on you, eh? I'm the one who can't remember you Eloise! I'm the one who is dying inside because somehow I've had a girlfriend for the last two years who I can't remember, not even a little!"

I felt a lump form in my throat as I looked at him with glossy eyes. He was shouting at me as if I was the cause for his pain, he was shouting as if there was no one else on this earth to hear him.

"It kills me to not love you back, it kills me to not have you in my memory" Shawn shouted before his voice cracked mid sentence, him eventually breaking down into tears.

"I want to love you, Elle" Shawn cried as he sunk back into his pillow, clenching his eyes together.

"You can" I said softly, as I walked round to the side of him.

Taking his hand in mine I gently soothed my thumb over his knuckles, causing him to slowly open his eyes. Tears fell down his cheeks, all the way down to his jaw before falling onto the back of my hand. His eyes were full of pain and ache as he out a shaky breath.

"I know it's going to be hard Shawn but we'll make it work. I'm going to be by your side every step of the way and nothing in this world can change the amount of love I have for you" I spoke, feeling small tears begin form in my eyes.

"What if it doesn't work?" Shawn worried, so much sorrow in his voice.

"I know it'll work Shawn. I know that deep somewhere inside of you, you still love me" I gave him a small smile of hope.

"But-" Shawn cried, struggling to get his words out as his breathing remained unsteady.

"How can I ever love you when I don't even know who you are?" Shawn asked, his voice quiet as he pulled his shaky hand out of mine.

"Because you were inlove with me once and I know you too well to know that you can fall for me all over again" I said softly, my eyes burning with tears.

"I'm devoted to you Shawn, and I promise to never give up on us"

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I hoped you all liked this chapter! I really love the story of this book and can't wait for what's next!
Please let me know what you think!
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