Devoted S.M

•Twenty-six•

Lost Without You by Freya Ridings
'But you were the only
Safehaven that I've known'

8:52am
9th August 2019

I felt the sick burn down my throat as the tears uncontrollably streamed down my cheeks.I had my head lent over the toilet bowl while I held my long ponytail behind my back.

"I don't know an Eloise"

As soon as Shawn said those words I shot out of the room. The look on his face when he saw me was enough to confirm my worst fear.

He just stared at me with the widest of eyes, so much fear and confusion swarming inside of them. His words were quiet and faint as if he felt nothing towards me.

I could still feel my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach as the hole in my chest grew bigger and bigger by the second.

I still couldn't wrap my head around Shawn even saying that, part of me was still just wanting to believe that it was all in my head.

To know that my boyfriend, the love of life, had no idea who I was was like a million knives to the heart. It was like drowning and being pulled down to the centre of the earth.

It was like a feeling that you could never possibly imagine.

Once I eventually stopped throwing up I shut the toilet lid before weakly pulling down on the flusher.

Opening my eyes I then harshly wiped away at my tears, probably making myself look like even more of a mess then I already did.

Pushing myself up off the floor I sat down on the toilet lid before moving my cold hands onto my lap.

As I fiddled with my fingers I let out a deep breath, just trying to control my unsteady cries.

I could feel the goosebumps rise along my skin, my arms and legs still being bare from me still not having changed out of last night's clothes.

"Eloise?" I heard a light knock against the stall door.

"Its Karen. Hunny, you've been in here for thirty minutes. Are you okay?" Karen said softly as I felt her presence remain outside of the bathroom door.

"No" I cried out as I crashed my head into my hands, my cries becoming louder with each shaky breath.

"Listen, I know that this is so hard for you but I promise you that everything is going to be okay" She responded.

"How is it any of it going to be okay?" I hiccuped.

"He doesn't even know who I am"

"He just woke up, he's probably just going to need time to readjust" Karen tried to comfort but it was no use, the pain I was feeling felt like a scar which was constantly bleeding.

"He never calls me Eloise" I cried out.

"He calls me Elle!" I shouted out in agony.

"He asked for you" Karen said quietly.

"What?" I said, almost inaudible as I tried to suppress my crying.

"He wants to see you" Karen repeated.

I responded with silence as I sat there for a few moments. All I could focus on was the anxious feeling brewing inside of me.

"He's just as confused as you are Eloise, he doesn't know what's real and what's not. He's barely said anything since he woke up but all he wants is to talk to you" Karen explained as I folded my arms across my chest for warmth.