Wicked Her

Kabanata 44

"Paanong umabot pa sa point na ganito ha?!" Naramdaman ko ang mata ko.

Narinig ko ang hagulgol ni mommy. Malamig na lugar ang bumati sa balat ko at hindi pamilyar na amoy.

"I thought she won--"

"You dont know your daughter dont you? Or you dont really care about her?!" Gigil na tanong ni mommy. Agad akong kinabahan.

"No. I care about Ara!" Sagot ni Daddy.

Gusto ko silang pigilan pero natatakot akong imulat yung mata ko. Imagine, yung kinatatakutan kong lalaki dati nagawa kong suwayin dahil sa inggit.

Yes this is jealousy and I know that jealousy is what normal people always feel. Yung selos ito yung tipong natatakot kang maagaw lahat ng sayo. And that includes my dad.

"Really?! So taking her for granted means taking care of her?"

Kumirot ang dibdib ko. Why am I receiving this kind of pain.

I dont want dad to get scolded by mom. I want them to pity me!

"Why? Is it because your real daughter is already in your house?!" My heart didn't pump for a moment. I felt it aching! Isang luha ang pumatak sa mata ko. What does mom mean?

"N-no." Nanghihinang saad ni daddy.

"Oo nga naman. Ara is not your blood! Na isa lang syang random sperm cell na isinaksak sa akin dahil hindi kita kayang bigyan ng anak." Pababa ng pababa ang boses ni mommy habang ang dibdib ko at dahandahang nadudurog.

So I am not a Carreon?

Im just like adopted?

Im just a random sperm injected to mom.

My fist close.

Pain is killing me. Truth, damn this truth.

When I finally open my eyes I saw them both crying tulad ko.

"I-i am n-not your b-blood d-daughter i-is.." Hindi ko na naipagpatuloy pa ang sinasabi at himagulgol nalang. I felt like crying.

Mommy run towards me and hug me tight.

"No baby, no. Shh. You're our daugh--"

"Y-you know I hate liars!" Sigaw ko ng buong lakas. Naramdaman kong nanghina si mommy dahil napaluwag ang hawak nya sa akin. Hindi sya umimik. Tanging hikbi lang naming tatlo ang maririnig mo sa buong silid.

Napatingin ako sa gilid ng maramdamang may nakadikit pala sa akin. Tsaka lang napagtanto na nasa hospital pala kami.

"D-dad is that why?" Umiiyak na tanong ko. "You wont hear my side kasi meron ka nang Emily. Yung totoo." Umiwas ng tingin si daddy at umalis sa kwarto ng walang imik.

Im starting to hate hoapitals. It's me giving painful truth.

I feel like I just lost to something. I don't want this unfamiliar thing.

Pumikit ako ng malalim.

"Leave me alone." Mahinang bulong ko at iniwas ang masamang tingin.

"A-ara.."

"Mom! Ano bang hindi mo naintindihan sa sinabi ko?" Lalo akong naiyak. "I need space! I need time to think." Hindi sumagot si mommy at tumatangong binitawan ang kamay ko. She kissed my forehead then left my hospital room sobbing. I'm sorry.

Pipikit palang sana ako ng pumasok ang doctor kasama ang isang lalaki.

Umirap ako.

Bakit kailangan nandito pa sya?

The doctor check me. He stood besides me. Hindi nagsalita ang doctor at umalis. Siguro ay nasa labas sila mommy para kausapin nya doon.

"You scared me to death." Matagal bago ako nakasagot.

"I didn't do it for you. You don't have to be scared." Walang ganang saad ko.

"Why did you do that to youserlf Ara?" Malumanay na tanong nya pero may bahid ng galit.

"None of your business." Tumalikod ako sa kanya. Narinig ko syang bumuntong hininga.

"You're my business." Seryosong saad nya.

"E-emily is your business."

"How can you say that? Do you kmow how scared I was seeing you with your own blood?"

I don't know if his voice really sound like he's in pain or i'm just too sorrowful with everything. But I couldn't care less. The last thing I want to do is expect. Expectations lead to disappointment.