Wicked Her

Kabanata 47

"You did that right?" Hindi ako makasagot. Takot ang namuo sa dibdib ko.

Hiwakan nya ng mahigpit ang braso ko.

"N-nealle m-masakit." Bulong ko. Tumingin ako sa paligid. Kahit anong sigaw ang gawin ko ay hindi nila ako maririnig dahil abala sila sa party. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano kaming nakarating dito sa rancho.

"Tell me Arabella!" Sigaw nya na parang kulog. Ngayon ay sa dalawang braso ko na sya nakahawak at parang manika lang ako na niyuyugyog nya.

Nanliliit ako sa kanya. Takot ang bumabalot sa akin but I never felt guilt.

After this i'll say my farewell.

Nanlingid ang luha ko.

Will he hate me now because of what I did to his belobed Emily?

"Ikaw ba ang gumawa non kay Emily?!l" Umiyak akong tumango. "Fuck. Dont cry infront of me Ara!" Lumuwag ang hawak nya sa braso ko. Umatras ako. "Does it hurt?" His angry and loud voice isn't there anymore. It clamed a little. Napaataras ako. Nagulat naman sya sa ginawa ko.

"I-im so immature." Umiiyak na bulong ko. Lumambot ang ekspresyon nya.

"Tell me, why did you do that?" Umiwas ako ng tingin at hinanda ang sarili.

Sasagutin ko ang tanong nya, wala rin namang kasing silbi. Aalis na rin ako.

"Cause I hate this day better make it worst day for her too." Kumunot ang noo nya na tila hirap sa pagintindi sa akin.

I thought I have him?

"Its her 18th--"

"Its also your engagement party." Matapang na balik ko. "Baka kasi pag napahiya sya hindi na natuloy yung last part ng party yung announcement ng marriage ny--" Hindi ko naituloy ang sasabihin ko ng nagsalita sya.

"Fuck. I never agree with that stupid marriage." Dahan-dahan akong tumingala sa kanya. He is smiling.

"You can't disag--"

"Yeah. I can't, but my mom can." He said like he's trying his best to sound gentle.

Parang may pumipiga sa puso ko.

What now pain?

Ano naman kung hindi nya papakasalan si Emily. What's wrong with my feelings? Whats wrong with my heart?

Why am I feeling pain?

Or this is just guilt.

No.

"And why do look so happy?" Tanong ko habang nagpupunas ng luha.

"I asked your father if I can court you." Isang kaba na kay Nealle ko lang naramdaman. "He said yes." He said in a serious tone.

Fine. Im guilty. Umiwas ako ng tingin at tumingin kay Yuan. Bryan is lying. Yuan's not preggy.

Parang di ko yata kayang magpaalam sa kanya.

"Why are you saying this to me?" I asked looking away. He gaze are burning me.

"I.. like you." He whispered.

But instead of comforting me, it just hurt me more. He sounds serious like no doubt, he'll be able to hurt me in the future.

Umiwas ako ng tingin.

"When I said that I like you, it doesn't mean you have to like me back." Bulong ko, nakayuko ako sa dalawang palad ko na pinaglalaruan ang isa't-isa. "Emily is there, she's always there when you need her,. Ako?" Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko nilabas ang topic na ito.

Maybe it's my way of saying goodbye.

"You know Emily more than me. She know you better than me." Bitterness is evident on my tone, I can't help it. "Dun ka sa kanya." A tear fell from my eyes.

"Gusto ko sayo lang." Gusto kong kiligin pero ang hirap. It's just breaking my heart.

Ngumiti ako. Tumingkayad ako at hinawakan ang dalawang pisnge nya.

"Mas sasaya ka sa kanya." Nakangiti pero basa ang matang saad ko.

"You're not always right Ara." Ngumiti ako ng mapait.

"Believe me. I'm a lot of work. Hindi mo kakayanin." Binitawan ko ang ang pisnge nya at tumalikod. "I'm a mess Nealle, hindi mo ba nakikita?"

"You'll grow. We'll grow together." Ngumiti ako kahit hindi nya nakikita. "You just need love."

Maybe he's way of thinking is way way mature and logical than mine, reason why I can't understand him.

Why would he settle for someone like me? I have a lot of flaws. I'm a flaw myself.

"Don't dare. Mas madaling mahalin ang matagal mo nang nakasama kaysa sa akin na ngayon mo lang napansin."

Goodbye Nealle.