Dumbass akatsuki scenarios

getting lucky

Hidan: " so kakuzu have you fucked any one "
Kakuzu: " i'm not a man hore like you "
Hidan: " hey i am not, I fuck women and a man occasionally like last night right deidara "
Dridara: " what un "
Obito: " deidara what "
Dridara: " it's not what it looks like I didn't sleep with him yeah "
Hidan: " yes you did you just weren't conscious "
Dridara: " wait what un "
Hidan: " You see I used my getting lucky pills "
Deidara: " wait what you druged me, I knew it was weird that I woke up with my thighs sore yeah "
Konan: " omg what's wrong with you "
Hidan: " nothing besides he's not the only one I got lucky with "
Kisame: " wait what "
Hidan: " i even fucked the brunet "
Itachi: " why do you keep calling me brunet, wait what you druged me! "
Hidan: " oh yeah remembered when I offered you that drink "
Itachi: " I knew it was weird that you offered me something to drink "
Hidan: " oh yeah " * smirks *
Itachi: " oh my God "
Zetzu: " huh that explains that one time when I walked into the kitchen "
Obito: " what do you mean zetzu "
Zetzu: " well I once walked into the kitchen and saw hidan had itachi over his shoulder, when he turned around he saw me and said " you saw nothing " and he walked away so I was all I saw nothing "
Sasori: " and you didn't decide to tell anyone about this "
Zetzu: " well I saw cups on the counter so I assumed that they were drinking so I walked away and decided to ignore it "
Konan: " zetzu next time you see something like that don't ignore it tell us "
Zetzu: " ok "
Hidan: " yeah but anyways I haven't done the puppet something about fucking a puppet dosen't excite me "
Sasori: " oh thank God "
Hidan: " yeah but I've drugged you like four times already so your a maybe still "
Sasori: " wait what!"
Hidan: " yeah but I've done the bitch already "
Konan: " wait what I knew it was weird I woke up with brusies on me "
Hidan: " more like bit marks "
Konan: " omg pein going to be mad I lose my virginity "
Hidan: " oh i also plan to drug pein next "
 * pein was about to walk into the room but made a u turn when he heard that *
 Obito: " please tell me you haven't drugged me "
 Hidan: " no i'll be like fucking a nine year old, but maybe if you take off your mask maybe I will "
 Obito: " wait what "
 Hidan: " yeah someone else I haven't done is shark boy that's a audiomatic no "
 Kisame: " oh I see "
 Deidara: " wait you want to be raped by him un "
 Kisame: " i want to know that somebody loved me in that way "
 Itachi: " that's not the point here "
 Hidan: " yeah i haven't done kakuzu yet, he's the hardest probably because he won't except anything from me "
 Kakuzu: " damn right now I know not to "
 Hidan: " yeah but zetzu my next victim "
 Zetzu: " wait what I'm a plant "
 Hidan: " yeah but I'm still interested in you, I'm drugging you right now in fact "
 Zetzu: " wait what are- " * zetzu passes out *
 Hidan: " huh plants exsorbe drugs fast "
 Konan: " hidan how do you know he'll wake up "
 Hidan: " he'll be fine "
 Itachi: " did you ever drug Orochimaru "
 Hidan: " huh the snake guy, hell yeah he was my first victim "
 Kisame: " what the fuck hidan "
 Hidan: " yeah but halfway through the drugs wore off and I had to tie him down "
 Itachi: " wait is that why when you first joined we heard screaming coming from your room "
 Hidan: " yeah "
 Kakuzu: " i thought that was one of your rituals "
 Hidan: " yeah nope "
 Sasori: " is that why he left "
 Hidan: " one of the many reasons why "
 Konan: " Jesús Crist hidan what the fuck why would you do this "
 Hidan: " well you see someone did this to me and now I do this to you guys "
 Dridara: " wait what who drugged you un "
 Hidan: " that's none of your business "
 Itachi: " umm I think it is "
  * Pein walks in *
  Pein: " hidan how tall are you "
  Hidan: " i don't know fucking know like 5'8 "
  Pein: " can you stand up real quick just to make sure "
  Hidan: " * signs * fine "
   * hidan get's up and pein measure how tall he is *
   Pein: " hmm 5'8 feet 5'ft that should be good enough "
   Obito: " good enough for what "
   Pein: " don't worry about it and someone take zetzu to his room "
   Hidan: " i'll do it "
   Pein: " anyone but hidan "
   Konan: " i'll Take him "
   Hidan: " hey pein want a drink "
   Pein: " sure "
   Everyone: " no leader-sama/pein don't drink it! "