Fading // m.e

forty three.

Do you guys even listen to my songs? I could put fricken 'Never Gonna Give You Up' by Rick Astley and you probs wouldn't even give :c

I'm putting it anyway >> Song of the chapter:

'Me' - The 1975

. . .

MATTHEW'S POV

Run.

That was my first thought entirely.

Run from Analise, run from Victoria, run from my life that seems to taunt me with love that I can’t have.

I watched as several happy couples walked past, leaving their little picnics and dates, or the small children that played alongside each other hand in hand as I sat here for what seemed like forever, not having the slightest clue of what to do.

I couldn’t believe I let myself fall again, and when things seemed right, I just ran.

She came to me and I completely turned her down, without letting her explain fully. What if I was wrong? What if I made the decision to early. The image of her face scrunched up in confusion, the wall of tears building up made me want to scream. How could I do that to her?

I remember as I day dreamed about her; her falls falling loosely from he rmesys ponytail as she smiled, the small amount of sunlight left back in Atlanta as I earned her trust and friendship.

Something I just felt like I’d never experienced before. And surprisingly, never with Vic. The way I feel with Lise; I feel warm, and loved and tingly all over, and sick to my stomach all at once.

The fact that only I call her Lise makes me feel that one step closer to being hers.

The fact that her touch sends me crazy.

Her stare makes me weak.

Her smile brightens up my vision.

The fact that she was there, telling me she wanted to be with me – and I was so oblivious to think that maybe she was just giving me a second glance.

Picking up my phone, I scrolled through my contacts, stopping on her name; my thumb hovering above the small phone icon, until it blacked out completely, instead her caller ID popping up.

Without thinking, I tapped on the answer icon, pinching the bridge of my nose at my weakness to her. She was like a drug to me; my own personal addiciton that I just couldn’t seem to budge.

“Hi.” I mumbled softly in to the speaker, realising only now that the sun had long faded, leaving only the moon covered my several clouds and the soft glimmer of the stars.

“Hi.” She replied back, croaky and raspy as if she ha dbeen crying, however a certain glint was behind her voice, and I couldn’t help but picture her smiling as she spoke. “I was scared you wouldn’t answer.” She whispered.

I remained silent as I bit my lip anxiously, tapping my leps with my fingers rhythmically as I sat cross legged on the circular bench that circled a small fountain.

“I was scared you wouldn’t call.” I admitted, knowing that I probably wouldn’t of had the uts to go running after her again and be smashed to pieces. I seriously didn’t think I had enough to withstand having Lise; this perfect girl just walk out on me. Not again.

“I need you to know that you weren’t my second choice Matt.” She muttered croakily, as she quietly sniffed. “I need you to know that you will never be my second choice and I didn’t mean for it to come across that way.”

I nodded, processing it all, not wanting to believe every word said in fear that it will all turn to shit. “O-Okay.”

“You’re on my mind all the time.” She laughed absent mindedly; her melodic laugh sending me goosenumps along my arms and neck. “I think about how you came into my life, hating me. I remember crying over you, thinking that you hated me. I remember this so clearly – and later on when we finally became friends, I became ecstatic because I felt as if you had opened up to me, and I- I guess I felt special because you told me about you…”

I sat there, a small smile on my face as the I continued to listen, hearing her quiet sniffles and the soft trickle of water in the background as she spoke.

“And then I remember how we grew closer.” She continued, her voice sounding so happy; so bright. “We became friends, and grew closer, and I felt like the happiest I had ever been because I knew that I had made a friend who would really be there for me, and actually cared for me as much as I tried to care for him. But, I remember this as clear as day – when my best friend kissed me, pouring his heart out for me, only for me to turn him down.” She broke down, her voice now trembling and quiet.

“I remember watching him, thinking – I shouldn’t of let him go. But I- did… and all this time I’ve just been too scared to let him in because I didn’t want to be the one to break him after he’d been crushed to pieces before. I just wanted to be the one to save him; to mend him. I didn’t want to make another mistake because I had never been through this before. I had never had someone besides my family who cared for me as much as you did.” She whimpered into the phone as i felt the hot rush of tears drip down my face unexpectedly.

“You alone fixed me Lise. It’s been you from day one I had met you.” I managed to mumble into my phone, basically lost for words.

“Did you really mean that when you said you couldn’t handle this anymore?” She asked into the phone sounding so naïve; so vulnerable and scared.

“I couldn’t handle not having you anymore.” I whispered , turning around as I saw her sitting on the other side of the bench across the fountain, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater as she sat watching me with content.

With a small smile, I hung up, walking over to her sheepishly, trying to process the words that flew through my head.

“Ma-” She began as she stood up, walking over to me so that we were inches apart; I felt her soft staggered breath against my face as he plump lips quivered.

Cutting her off I took her in my arms, holding on tight as I drew circles on her lower back, feeling her warmth as she clung on to me.

“I-I’m so sorry Analise.” I whispered into her hair.

“No Matthew, I’m sorry.” She frowned as she pulled away, looking up at me. “I’m sorry that I ran from you this whole time when instead we could’ve been together.”

I smiled at the thought of us being together. Nothing seemed to work out better in my head.

“Who says we still can’t? We still have time.” I smiled, pressing my lips softly against hers, feeling the ignition of fireworks as our lips moved along in perfect synchrony, my arm pulling her waist closer to mine as she slid her arms ligthly around my neck.

“Y-yeah.. I guess we still do have time.” She muttered, seeming to be in a different world entirely.

Lifting her chin up, I pecked her on the lips before taking off my sweater, wrapping it around her torso.

“Just like old times, aye?”

 . . .

aWW I want a Matthew to hold me at night and tell me that he's all mine [5SOS ref. bc I feel like it]

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Oh yeah I changed my user so idek how to sign this off anymore.

xx m-s-l lol