Fading // m.e

fifty one.

i rEALLY AM A SHITTY PERSON FOR NOT UPDATING. SORRY GUYS :((

Song of the chapter:

'All My Heart' (acoustic) - Sleeping With Sirens

. . .

ANALISE'S POV

"Lise."

"Hm." I responded absent mindedly, sighing as my focus flew straight to the deep creases in the blemishes under my eyes that were now red and raw. It had been one day.

One day and I feel like all this weight hefted down on me, crushing me to a pulp. Within a matter of two weeks actually, I had managed to turn everything to shit.

I called out Carter. I hurt him obviously - he's taken any chance to stay away from Matt and I.

I'm questioning if I made the right decision choosing Matthew.

And somehow along the way my mom's ignoring me and my brothers hate me.

"Come here." Matthew cooed, behind me, wrapping his arms lightly around my waist as he rested his chin on my shoulder and grinned.

I smiled back into our reflection weakly, feeling the gradual headache building up and the all too familiar stinging in my eyes as I tried so hard to resist letting the tears drop.

"Don't cry - hey, what's wrong?" I watched as his eyebrows were tightly knit together, and his lips pulling into a slight frown as he fumbled with our hands.

"Nothing. I just... I miss home. I miss my family, and I kind of miss school actually," I lied, forcing a small chuckle when I saw the look on his face; he wasn't buying it,"I-It's my first actual school dance this week."

"And you're missing it?"

"It's not important anyways," I sniffled, draping my hair over a shoulder, "I wouldn't want to go with any one but you."

"I- Hey what's this?" His tone suddenly alarmed, he pushed away a wave off of my shoulder, revealing an unnoticed bruise just below the sleeve of my dress.

"D-dont.. Touch," I sucked in a breath as his fingers grazed over the forming mark before flinching at my voice.

"Who did this?" He mumbled, his tense hand squeezing mine as he spoke.

"No one, why?" I half heartedly chuckled.

"It wasn't there when I let you run off with Cam. Did he do this? Did he hurt you?" I flinched as his voice grew louder, the concern clear on his face.

"Stop y-you're hurting me!" I managed, pulling my hand away from his grip, his face suddenly falling back into the usual soft and kind Matthew I knew.

"I'm sorry. But please, if he hurt you, if he did anything I s-"

"Cameron wouldn't hurt me maliciously."

"But he would by accident, then?" He provoked, crossing his arms.

"Just stop! It was my fault okay! You both think that each other would hurt me and I don't see why. You're both so important to me, why would you think the other would hurt me like this?" I cried out, my arms flying around as I spoke.

"Shh hey, I'm sorry. I just need to know you're okay. I.. lo-"

It was like everything froze but my thoughts. The thoughts buzzed through my mind of those three words. I didn't need the self validation that I was loved, but something inside of me needed to hear Matt say it to me.

How funny that hearing those words that could be so craved yet meaningless when it's all over.

"I love... To see you happy." He sighed, taking a hand in mine, "C'mon - we wouldn't want to be late to the party we planned." Giving my hand one final squeeze he paced towards the door mindlessly, his gaze steady in front of him, the corner of his lips turned downwards into a small frown.

"Yeah." I whispered breathily, the daunting concept that loving my happiness didn't necessarily mean loving me.

NASH'S POV

"Seriously guys I just need to find her." I whined, trying to pull free of Hayes and Cameron's tight hold on my arms as they dragged me blindfolded, to my 'surprise'.

"Why?" The voice which I recognised as Hayes, had piped up, his grip seeming to tense around my arm.

"Why not? She's our sister."

"Hasn't been much of one lately." He grumbled, pulling me to a halt.

"Hey she's be-"

"Can you save this for later? Take off your sock on three, yeah?" Cam urged, the excitement building in his tone.

"Wait you put a fricken sock on my face?!"

"It's used by the wa-" A voice called out, earning a few chuckles here and there.

"Shut up, you'll ruin it!"

"3, 2, 1... SURPRISE!" Whipping of what I had learned was a sock, I blinked to find myself in a large room decorated with streamers, the lights dim despite the dotted walls of the sporadic coloured lights, and a stretched out table covered in a flowing black table cloth, lined with food and helium filled balloons of all colours.

My ears wrung with the voices and whistles as I passed through the crowd of people I didn't even know. Sauntering towards the back I found the guys standing by a large banner, hung across the wall, 'HAPPY (early) BIRTHDAY NASH' messily painted in red across the white paper that seemed fluorescent against the lights.

"Looks like blood." I joked, pulling their attention away from their phone where they were lined up taking a group shot.

"Only the finest for your Nashy. Happy birthday!" Johnson clapped against my back, the boys chiming in with their 'happy birthday's!'

. . .

"Have you seen Analise?" I spoke over the music to Aaron beside me.

"Huh?" He shouted, holding a hand up to his ear.

"I said have you seen Ana?"

"I can't hear yo-"

"Fuck this - Never mind!" I screamed impatiently over the pumping bass.

"Nash he-"

"Watch i-"

"Can you si-" Voices buzzed as I passed, one particularly confident one stopping me along the way.

"You alright?" The voice piped up behind me, an amused look plastered on her face.

"I'm looking for a girl!" I replied, watching as she nodded, and pulled her arms together in front of her, squeezing her chest out of her top that seemed to cling to her skin.

"Why don't you just hang with me then." She spoke smoothly, sliding her hand along my shoulder.

"Because, Side Hoe Bob, I'm trying to find my little sister." I huffed, knocking her hand off of me before spotting her not too far off with Matthew.

"Ana! Analise!" I ran through the mob, feeling my heart beat heavily with each step closer I got to her. What was I to say? I thought maybe by telling her, it would make it better. I would understand that I can't keep telling myself she'll always be here.

"Ana, I need to tal-" I groaned in annoyance. "I just want to talk to y-" The words seeming to catch in my throat at the sight of a small paper strip sitting in the deposit of the photo boot, of my little sister and Matthew.

My eyes trailed from each photo; getting worse by the next. She sat on his lap, his hands around her waist.

My mouth dropped when I saw his hands had travelled to her thighs by the next shot, cheeky grins on both faces.

By the final, my jaw was firmly clenched tight, my hands crunching the last shot on the glossy strip of paper - letting the image of Matthew and Ana in the midst of a kiss drop down to the floor, the image seeming to stare up at me in the puddle of the bright red spilled liquid.

. . .

there will probably be another chapter up tonight bc I suck and I'm sorry for waving u guys for 21 days. that's 504 fricken hours :-(((

xx - k