I turned the page to the same book I have read several times before. The hospital doesn't really have the best selection of books and the nurses refuse to take me to the library to buy some. They fear for the worst, which is bacteria making its way into my system and killing me.
I have been hospitalized since I was 10 and I don't show any signs of getting better. In fact, I've only been getting worse. I lost the feeling in my legs and am now paralyzed waist down and my body has little to no immunity to the bacteria that my body is foreign to. My oxygen was always fresh from a tank and my mask to help me breathe was sanitized by the nurse every hour or so. Even when nurses come into the room, they have to undergo a series of tests to make sure they were not sick themselves.
Lately, it was becoming harder to breathe and my energy was slowly starting to deplete completely. For someone stuck in a bed for this long, this was not good news. Doctors and nurses come to my aid whenever I have an attack but nothing seems to calm their nerves. My parents are no help either. My mom recently gave birth to my younger brother and my parents have stopped visiting me altogether.
The noise in the room is deafening, even when it only is the clock on the stand next to my bed.
I hired a doll to help me write a letter. I knew my time was close and I had to let my parents know I fought my best and that I was sorry for not being the daughter they wanted. I wanted to let my little brother know that I thought about him a lot and that I care for him very much. I don't know what kind of house hold my home is now, but I hope he is happy with mom and dad.
The door was knocked on three times and a young lady in a blue dress open the door. Boy, what a sight to see she was. Her chestnut hair in a beautiful do and her dress that complemented her eyes. She held a briefcase, which I assumed was a portable typewritter, in her gloved hands. Her eyes scanned the room and landed on me. She showed no emotion or uncomfortableness at the previous tests she would have undergone.
"If a client requests it, we shall go anywhere." She did a small bow and continued, "Representing the Auto Memoir Doll service, I am Violet Evergarden." She stood upright and looked at me once again as if waiting for me to ask her to come in. "Hello, I'm Y/n L/n. Come sit with me, Violet." I applauded myself for not being as awkward as anticipated, despite not having a real conversation in years.
Violet nodded and walked to the small round table near the side of my bed and placed the briefcase on it, opening it and filling it with paper. With no hesitation, she took off her gloves revealing two hands made of metal. So she's just like me, but she can use her hands.
I made sure to seem composed but I was brimming with excitement in the presence of this beautiful Violet. "You are Nervous?" She asked and turned to me. Her eyes and expression never changing. "Y-yes, quite a bit actually. I've never really had anyone in here besides the caretaker-nurse in years." I replied to her question and she nodded in understanding.
"For whom is this letter going to be addressed to?" She asked, Her hands of metal hovering over the keys of the machine. "It's to my family." I responded, playing with my fingers in my lap as I was laying against the headboard. Her hands pressed on keys and the machine would move, typing the letters.
"What would you like to say to your family, Miss Y/n?" The sound of my name on her lips was delightful, I almost forgot she was asking me a question. After recovering from my disorientation, I continued to pour out my feelings out to her so she could put it into words onto the piece of paper. I included all the information about my health and loneliness without them here with me. I cried a few times but I never stopped to wipe my tears. Finally, after 3 hours of pouring my life out to a beautiful woman, I was exhausted and I was done. Violet didn't seem worn out at all. I guess that's what you're supposed to expect from an expert at letter writing.
I watched her eyes as they scanned the page before plucking it off the typewriter and placing it with the pile of papers.
"I'm sorry. I made you write a lot didn't I?" The only response I get from Violet is a question.
"What would you wish for if you were to die tomorrow?"
This question kicked me the gut. The thought of me dying at a young age frightened me, but I knew it could totally be true. What would I wish for? I knew I wouldn't wish for riches. I would rather wish for someone to accompany me in the room. So that was my answer.
"I wish I wouldn't die without falling in love."
From my answer, I got the first sign of emotion from Violet. Her eyes watered and her breath quickened. As her eyes were wide open, she looked at anywhere but me. My stomach dropped at the thought of me bringing back hateful memories to this kind and beautiful person.
"I-I'm sorry. Was that not a comforting answer?" I asked her. I leaned to touch her hand. "If you would like to tell me anything, I will listen, and for how many years I will be here, it will not escape this room."
"What does 'I love you' mean?" She asks with tears in her eyes. Frustration was evident on her face as if she was desperate to find the answer but could never find it. I dug through my head and looked for answers for this questions and came with an answer.
"Saying 'I love you' is like saying you want to be with someone for as long as you can. You want to hug and kiss them each time you see eachother for the first time in a long time. And when you say it, or when the other person says it to you, you get this funny but lovely feeling in your stomach and it makes you feel really warm." I replied to her question.
"So...you falling in love means you would like to experience the lovely feeling you speak of?" Violet questioned. I have noticed she liked asking questions. "Yes, I guess you can say that." I give her a broken smile, showing her that I have acknowledged that the lovely feeling I long to feel will never come to reach me as long as I stay here in the hospital.
"What happens if you do not receive this feeling when you die?" Violet asked me. Her curiosity impressed me. She seems so innocent yet mature to the world.
"Well, I just die. The world doesn't care if I fall in love or not during my life. My fate was destined to like this." I answered her question once again. Her face contorted into an expression of thought. I could only imagine if I could see that thoughtful face of Violet everyday but I knew she would have to leave me some day.
"Then we can supposedly love eachother?" She suggested. My mind exploded into butterflies. I could feel my face flush to the color of the ribbons in her hair which was a dark red. "If we do this, you can fall in love before you die and I could experience the feeling of love as well!" She exclaimed. The hope and excitement in her eyes was hard to resist and in the end I couldn't say no.
The question is, how long with this love last?
(I should probably make a part two shouldn't I?)
-TM
