Fifty Shades of Styles (3 book series)

B2: Chapter Twenty-One

I woke up with two bodies draping over me. I laughed at the feeling. It's been a while since these two have slept in my arms. I laid there for a little while basking in the feeling.

I missed my children. It made me kind of sad. I realized I hadn't been the mother I was supposed to be. When Harry left I sorta did too. I shipped them off to be with their grandmother. I was selfish. I thought only about my loss, but my children loss something too.

Nat nuzzled her face into my side and hugged my waist tightly. I missed my children.

+++

Weeks have passed since the fire. I had finally faced the fact that Harry is dead. That his body was so burnt and broken that they could no longer identify him. My husband is dead, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Today, Anne is throwing a memorial. She says that it's a way to put Harry's spirit at ease, to finally give him the peace he deserves. But I don't want his spirit at ease, I want him here. I want him to be the father he once was and the husband I will always need.

"Little bird? You okay?" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Shawn whose brown eyes were wide with concern.

"Uh, no. I'm not," I smiled. He gave me a sad look. He slid over and draped his arm over my shoulders pulling my head to his chest. "I miss him."

I tried not to cry. I've cried every day since his disappearance; I wanted nothing more than to have Harry back but no more crying was a close second.

"Thank you, Shawn. For being here."

"Anytime little one. Whenever you need me I'll be there," I could feel him smiling into my hair. His warmth was nice, his embrace was nice, but it will never be anything like Harry's.

I pushed Shawn away and walked to the window. I looked out over the ocean. It still seems so peaceful there. It's amazing to see the water so calm with little movement but be aware of the fact that it's bursting with life underneath.

"Olivia," Anne appeared at the door. "The kids are dressed and everyone is waiting. It's time." She gave me a quick nod before turning around and heading out. Shawn did the same.

Today is the day we will put my husbands' spirit at ease. Today is the day that we will bury an empty casket along with a piece of my heart. Today is the day I must finally accept the truth.

I put on one of Harry's oversized t-shirts, it smelled exactly like him. I slid on my shorts and my favorite sneakers. I grabbed Harry's grey scrunchie off of his nightstand and pulled my hair up.

I walked downstairs staring at the floor. When I arrived at ground level, my flicked to the kids. I flashed them a smile and they ran to my side. Hand in hand we walked towards the cemetery where we would lower the casket into the ground.

I had done a bit of research and found the perfect place for his casket to be placed. He would love it here. The sun was warm and could forever be seen while it was up. You could watch it set over the ocean and watch the moon reflect its light. He would love it here.

"We are gathered here today, to say goodbye to our beloved Harry Styles."

"A thoughtful friend."

"An honest brother."

"A caring son."

"An amazing dad."

"A loving husband," I joined in. I let the tears roll down my cheeks searing as the fell.

"Harry was a kind soul. One of those people who'd you want to be around forever, I'll be forever in debt to him for the things he's done for my family and I," the old man spoke up. His face was neutral but his eyes were saddened. "This boy was the closest thing I had to family, I will never forget. Would anyone like to say anything else?"

No one spoke up. I could tell they couldn't bare it. Anne looked like she was barely holding on, Gemma was staring at the ground, and everyone else was simply just silent.

"I'm not a public speaker," I spoke up, "I don't really even know what to say. What could I possibly say? 'Don't leave', 'come back'? Well, then I'd be talking to nothing. It's not fair," I sobbed letting go to the kids' hands bringing mine to my face. I lowered myself and cried into my knees. "He didn't deserve this. He wasn't a bad man. Not once did he say he couldn't do it. He may have asked why and complained a bit but he did it. He stayed with me through all of my crap. Please, God! Please! Just give me back my husband."

I cried. I let the tears fall and the sobs sound. I cried, just as the sky did the day I lost him.

"I've lost people. I lost my mom a couple of months ago, surprisingly I could handle that. I've been shot and killed, I could handle that. I've been kidnapped and assaulted, beaten and scorned, I could handle it. But I lost the only man I'll ever love and I don't think I can handle it."

I stared at the casket. It was a beautiful shade of off-white. Pretty and shiny. Just like Harry's heart.

"There are so many things I wanted to do with that man. So many things I wanted to say and never will. I never even got to say goodbye"

Past the casket, I saw a man cradling a guitar. It reminded me of him. The night I learned how to play, the day he played on the balcony. I let out a small laugh as the visual of him slamming a guitar over Shawn's head came to mind. I'll miss him for the rest of my life.

The strumming of a guitar sounded. It was nice. A nice melody. One that you could hear and remember for months. It was soft and pretty. Light and airy.

I stared at the casket.

This is not him. This is not my Harry. For some odd reason, I feel as if we're not putting his soul to rest at all but burying the rest of the memories.

End of Chapter