"Say my name," he whispered on the top of my lips while digging his fingers into my hips as he hoisted me up. I wrapped my legs around his torso.
"Harry," I uttered.
"You and I both know. That. Is. Not. My name," he said between the kisses that he...
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Sitting on the bed did nothing for me instead I had taken the kids out; they enjoyed it so much that they are dead to the world asleep on the floor right now. I had no strength to pick them up and place them in the bed so I threw a thick cover over both of them and headed into the kitchen.
I sat down at the bar in the kitchen and stared at the wall blankly. Is this really what my life will be like? Lonely? Though I'm not alone. I spend most of my days with my kids and when they're not with me I read or work out. Anything to take my mind from the fact that Harry will never come back.
We had been through this endless cycle of being taken from each other and then being brought back together only to be taken from each other again. I was expecting him to come through those doors. But this time I know he won't. It had been weeks. Even if Harry had survived the fire, his lungs were definitely too weak to handle the smoke, if he had surgery his body would be to frail to survive. Harry was dead; I am not, had not, and will not ever come to terms with it.
I wasn't even able to enjoy the renovations Harry had made with him. First, he had cancer then he gave himself up. It was always one thing after another. As if we didn't have enough drama in our lives already.
I looked over everything. It was all a pristine shade of grey with delicate black and cream designs. One would think a room of this color would be dark and melancholy but it's actually nothing of the sort. It's beautiful. If Harry had not already been talented and successful he would definitely have a future somewhere in home design.
I couldn't help but admire the designs knowing fully well that Harry had done it all himself. He was so talented.
My heart broke a little when I realized I was thinking of him in the past tense. My Harry is now gone now and forever more. I won't ever get to see his smile form at one of my pathetic jokes. He won't ever get to threaten Nat's first boyfriend or talk to Wes about his first girlfriend and how he should cherish and protect her at all costs'.
I sat back and listened to the silence. It was crisp. I noticed the cabinet slightly cracked. I could see the shining bottle of tequila sitting there beckoning me. I turned my head refusing to get up and grab the bottle. I had made a promise to myself that I would be the mother my children needed and not an alcoholic like my mother.
Years ago, my mother's child died in a car wreck. Not me nor my brother, but my mother's child. My brother and I are the children of my father. I cannot say that she is not my mother, but I can say that she was never a mother. But I wasn't hurt at how much she cared for the child, I was hurt at how she never gave up the chance to meet the girl. I had always wanted a little sister but my mother cut off all communication with us when she had the child. The last time I had seen her was the day before I left Harry all those years ago. We didn't even know that she had died till Sophie gave us a call. I was, sadly, glad she was gone. Because I felt as if karma took the bite out of her that she deserved. Maybe I should feel bad for saying that, maybe somewhere deep below the surface I do. But for right now, she got all that was coming for her.
