Vocaloid: SHADOWS IN THE SPOTLIGHT [Miku X Luka]

Sleepless Night - #48

Luka's PoV

Sexuality, you say? Never even crossed my mind — until recently, of course. I've never liked someone this way. How could I? All the kids I knew at school would constantly tease me, try their best to make living nothing more than a chore. I never got myself involved with clubs or any kind of extra curricular activities. I preferred to keep to myself, in my own space, and do my own thing, without anyone judging me or telling me what to do. Can you really blame me?

If anyone popped the question back then, I'd probably have just mumbled 'straight' with a shrug of the shoulders. Not once did I ponder what I really was in terms of who I liked. It just didn't seem important.

I suppose I assumed I'd always live life alone. It probably sounds pitiful, maybe even melodramatic. But I lived in these conditions for years, I barely knew anything else. And though people always say 'nothing's permanent', I was pretty damn sure this phase would be everlasting.

I'm relieved to say, however, that it was just temporary. I'm not alone anymore, as I have Miku. And I'm forever grateful for her.

I like her. More than just a friend. If my thoughts were documented in a book, the reader would probably agree that I make these feelings pretty obvious. Though with the realisation, arises multiple questions — including the unavoidable 'what am I?'

From what the media says, society is much more accepting in terms of homosexual relationships, contradictory to how it used to be years ago. This statement isn't something I can personally agree with, seeing as most of the people I know are nothing more than judgemental bastards, but I hope it's, nonetheless, a true fact.

So what am I? Bisexual? Lesbian? Pansexual? The LGBT community is growing rapidly, and there are labels I've never even heard of. It's all a bit overwhelming — all I know is that I love Miku.

Maybe I should identify as Mikusexual? It'll be so much easier. Am I taking this too far?

There's one more question whizzing around my brain, drilling away at my thoughts and refusing to leave me be.

Over the past couple of days, Miku and I have shared some truly wonderful experiences together. We've held hands in the snow, ventured a place incredibly dear to me, and kissed in the park under a tree in a world carpeted in white. These moments have been so blissful, so captivating. They've felt so right, yet this one, irritating thought refuses to leave me be.

What exactly are we?

Up until now, we've been close friends. Maybe even best friends. We've been at each other's side for quite some time now, helping each other, encouraging each other, comforting each other when things got that little bit harder. She's my other half, my soulmate, someone I can't live without. We're more than friends. We're more than best friends. But we aren't quite at the next level. We are perched on this middle ground, one which seems unnamed.

Maybe I should ask her? But at the same time, I don't want to make anything awkward.

It's a Sunday, pre-go-back-to-school-and-suffer-for-another-five-days-straight-day. The snow has already melted rather significantly, meaning the chances school is shut tomorrow due to poor weather conditions are, sadly, pretty much zero.

The events from yesterday seem almost unreal. Things have been pretty normal since. Too normal for my personal liking.

We haven't once talked about the breathtaking exchanges we shared. We haven't talked to each other any more than we usually do — maybe we've even spoken less than usual.

I hope she doesn't feel weird or awkward around me.

The sky has since faded to a cloudy black, and darkness cascades throughout the city, glowing street lamps and illuminated windows being the only enduring sources of light. Dirty marks remain on the window, marking where the tips of my fingers gently pressed against the glass in my thoughtfulness.