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As late as it was I was on my way back on one of Gervonta's private jets to Atlanta along with Deontae. I couldn't stop crying over the news about Roddy getting killed, and I had to find out through Instagram. I knew something was up from the way Jessie answered me when I asked about him. My body was numb, no amount of pain has ever felt so agonizing or concentrated. It was like a giant hole had been pummeled into my chest, without no hope of ever being repaired. The only male I could talk to about my issues with Nick and would get me to understand him, he loved my kids as if they were his own, he was the first father figure Nikita ever came to know and he was long gone.
I was heart broken, my body felt as if someone punched me in the stomach, knocking all the wind out of me, this heart break was consuming. I just sat next to Deontae crying on his shoulders as he did his utmost best to comfort me. I didn't let Gervonta come along because I didn't want my moment ruined his victory of winning tonight.
Every time I took one step forward something grabs me by the hand and pull me one hundred steps back. Roddy help me mold myself into the women I am today, his daily encouragement helped me get through my days and now I'm left with the memories. "Deonte why him, he didn't deserve that, he was changing and working on bettering his life for the sake of him and Vanny. We even talked about me trying to fix our friendship, but I guess this is his way of helping me;cause she will need me by her side now."
"I know Pooh, I've never met him but if I went based off all the things you told me about him I could tell he was changing." The pilot announced that we were about to preparing for landing so I sat up fastening my seat belt.
When we arrived at aviation Jessie was waiting for me out front in her car. I tapped on her glass making my presence known, and also for her to unlock the car door. Her soft silky hair was up in a messy bun, she was wearing sweats, her face was in so much distress, her eyes was red and puffy from where she cried. As soon as I got in the car and seen her state I was instantly back to how I was on the plane, pulling her into my arms for comfort because I needed it so bad. I finally was letting it all out, "I know it hurts Maci, let it out baby," she rubbed on my back comforting me.
"It's not okay, how did we get here. Who is going to fill that void now because I don't think it's fixable. Even though Nick is the bigger brother, Roddy was the real foundation that was trying to hold us all together. How is Vanny holding up," I asked while still holding onto her.
"Not good at all she keep breaking down, she even tried fighting Nick because she blamed him for it. She told him that it was all his fault and she wished it was him instead," she put her head down into the steering wheel tearing up all over again. "I know Nick fucks up sometimes but you don't wish those kind of things on nobody Mai, my brothers was my everything and I love them both, now I'm down to one and he barely could be on his own right now. Rod was the stronger one for us all in times like this, WHY DID HE HAD TO GO OUT AND TRY FIX IT, WHYYYY, I know it's my fault because I opened my big mouth about Kendal sending niggas to try kill Nick and Roddy went after him only to be killed in the process." I pulled her into my arms because she needed to be comfort at this point more than I did.
The car ride was just sniffing and silent cries, I decided I was gonna spend the night at Roddy's just so I could be there for everyone. When we pulled up to the house I could see from the outside that the kitchen light was on, I assumed it was probably Vanny.
When I walked in to my surprise it was Nick, I don't know if it was because I felt bad for talking to him the way I did earlier that made it even harder for me to face him but it was like my feet was glued to that spot where I stood by the kitchen entrance.
I finally found the confidence to face him, walking over to him I just placed my arm around his neck, bending over him giving him a big hug from behind. He must of felt my presence a long time ago because he just rest his head on my arm, giving it a little squeeze, then pulling a chair out next to him for me to sit.
Looking at his face and seeing the heart break, and hurt in his eyes broke me once again. He loved his brother so much and now he was being faced with the challenge of burying him. Our hands entwined and we just took a second to acknowledge each other.
"Nick I'm so sorry, I really real am sorry I should of been here a long time by your side Nick, I'm so sorry," I finally broke down in front of him.
He pulled me into his arms as he tried rapping his body around mines, which was a little difficult for him to do. Putting his chin on top of my head, and rubbing my back, "Maci you have no reason to be sorry, I meant for Jessie to not tell you. Before rod went out and got hisself killed he had a conversation with with me basically listing off every moment in my life that I hurt you. The fact that he could tell me that, hurt me like hell. It made me realize that I was so selfish and a asshole to you, look at me," he raised me up off his chest, "As of today I'm done holding you back from all the things that makes you happy, from living your life the way you suppose too, you deserve so much more than me. I wish I would never have to say these words but I want you to find someone who is going to love you and treat better than I did, a man who is gonna treat our daughters as if they're his, respect them and you, shower you with love and affection, and lastly stay by your side through your hardest times and when you really need him most. All of the things I wasn't able to do for you, Mai I'm not what you deserve and even if I try it's still to late for me to fix it because I know I fucked up to the point where it's unfixable. Rod told me about what you did for Nichole and she's so lucky to have you as her mother now, well you've always been that but it's official, and the fact that you offered to still let Toya see her showed the growth in you. But I don't think she's gonna see toy no time soon or any more as a matter of fact."
I was dumbfounded because why would she agree to wanting to come and see her for her to up and leave. "Why wouldn't she I mean when I gave her the ok she was happy, so what are you talking about."
Nick hanged his head low, and let out a long gasp of frustration, "Maci she's dead too, when we went down to identify Rod's body the nurse took me to see her body too, she was the one who shot Roddy, and the nigga he was with killed her. He tried saving my brother but it was to late."
"What, Oh my God no," I shake my head with so much disbelief. This was one of the biggest pill I had to swallow because it was just blow after blow with bad news. Nichole was gonna grow up without knowing her uncle and her biological mother and it was so sad.
"It's getting late and you must be tired from a long night, you could sleep in the other guest room and I'll sleep in the couch down here."
"No come be with me, I don't wanna be alone tonight," he just stared at me blankly. "Please," I demanded once more.
"Ok but I'm gonna need some help up the stairs if you want me to."
I really didn't mind because how heavy could he be. I tried helping him up out of the wheelchair, wrongest mistake I could make. "Nick, you gotta help me up," he started laughing at my struggle. "That's not even funny."
We finally got up stairs to the room, I just wanted to hurry get in bed. I got changed into some night clothes while Nick just laid in bed looking up to the ceiling, I know that it was going to be a while before he ever get back to his normal self but I was willing to be here for him.
I jumped into my side of the bed, adjusting my pillow to my comfort. "Goodnight," I said to Nick but he didn't say anything back because he was just so deep into a gaze that he didn't even hear me. I just turned off the light and laid down, til I felt his body pull me closer to his, we lay entwined in each other's arms, "Goodnight Maci," he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.
