Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
If I could change the many mistakes in my life I've ever made, I would start here. This was my biggest one yet, it was when I abandoned my kid to move in with a monster.
Eventually he found out about Nichole and now I'm paying the price for it all, I'm paying the price for lying to him, and I'm paying for turning my back on my kid. Because now she looks at the women I hated so much as her mother and that's hurting me like hell.
"TOYA GET YO ASS DOWN HERE NOW," he shouted from down stairs. I got up out the bed as fast as I could practically running down the stairs.
"How many times I have to tell you about leaving the glass door unlocked," he flicked me in the head as if I was a bad dog.
"I'm sorry I just went outside a minute ago before I went upstairs, I must of forgot."
"Oh you sorry huh, yo ass gonna be sorry to when someone run up in here and probably rape yo ass, better not dial my number either stupid."
He had his days of how he wanted to abuse me, some days he locked me up in the house and tie up the fridge or put locks on the pantry so I don't eat. Most days he would just beat my ass like a man, and imagine little old me taking blows to the body from his jolly green giant ass. I would be running to every room in this house from a cut ass.
When you think your in a bad situation you go out and seek for something better only to end up being in a even worse situation than you was in before, and that was me. For all the nagging and neglect I did with Nick he never once placed his hands on me, even looking at things now he was trying to love me harder but it was all to late for me.
I started walking back towards the stairs because I think if I had stand there any longer, he probably would of find some dumb excuse to beat on me like he always do. "No get back here where you going, I need to have a word with you. This morning I made a little visit to see your baby girl and I must say she's well taken cared of. Oh and you could forget about you having her back again, she lives with Maci now, apparently Nick and Maci broke up and she has the kids. I heard that nigga been looking like shit since she left him, could of been you but you was to busy chasing after a nigga like me. Now look at you catching hell, and let me guess you wanna go back to him huh," he went silent as if he was waiting for me to say something. "You know what don't even answer that, because you probably gonna be to late by time as you get there."
"Late," I was lost as to what the hell he was talking about because if he did give me the opportunity I don't think as lonely as nick probably feeling right now he would just up and accept me back into his life, So early or late it really didn't matter.
"Yeah late that's what I say, he caught himself disrespecting me so I had to show him that I don't play that disrespect thing."
"WHAT DID YOU DO," I shouted. He got up from the kitchen table charging towards me. "Watch how you yelling at me or you next, and what the fuck you care that nigga don't want you," he pushed his index finger deep into my forehead. "Matter of fact come on cause you think I'm playing with your stupid ass," for the first time since the abuse started happening I fought back, I was tired of it all. The repeated beatings, getting locked in the house, and the starvation. I was being treated like a animal and even they was getting treated better than I was.
"NO GET OFF ME," I reached on the kitchen counter grabbing the vase that sit in the center of it, smashing him in the face, running for the stairs. my heart was racing and I didn't wanna turn around to make sure he was on the ground or even after me, I just kept on running.
"BITCH YOU GONNA REGRET THAT."
I finally got up the stairs running towards his office, as soon as I took my first step in I felt him yuck me by the back of my neck. "You thought you was gonna get away."
"STOP PLEASE, BABY PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU." Those words must of sink in because he let me go, "go get yourself clean up and I'll meet you in the bedroom." I know what was next ain't nobody had to tell me, because this is what he do. Beat my ass, then after he's done he make me do things to him that I still don't think is ok, but tonight I wasn't letting it happen I was gonna find some way to leave out this house even if that meant killing him.
