hard to love

chapter 25

lylas POV 

i pulled into TM and got out. i was tan from spending a week at the beach with my mom for my birthday. we went on a two week vacation one week we went to a cabin in the smokey mountains, gatlinburg, tn. then drove down to destin florida and flew back home last night. i had on shorts and a tank top i got from destin with white converse. as i walked into the clubhouse i pushed my sunglasses to rest on top of my head. opie, jax, tig, happy and half-sac were at the bar.

"look who it is." jax said whistling and pulling me into a hug 

"hello to you too jackson." i told him kissing his cheek. 

tig hugged me next kissing the top of my head, he may not be my dad but he was the closet thing i had to one and i normally did call him dad. "happy late birthday baby. dont think youre gonna get out of a samcro party now that youre back. did yall have fun?" he asked me "yes dad we did have fun it was amazing. and we dont need to have a party taylors was enough." i said kissing his cheek.

opie hasnt said anything or looked away from his beer. happy told me happy late birthday before passing me a shot, he took one with me. jax put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. he was sitting on a stool, i was standing next to him, half-sac poured us all shots "happy birthday babe." jax said as we threw them back. i slammed the shot glass down up side down. 

"what all did you get into in florida?" jax asked me. "well a couple nights i went to a club for a bit but its wasnt much fun, nothing compares to a samcro party." i said laughing "but most nights i sat on the beach or our balcony listening to the waves. i wish tay could have been there we would have fucked florida up. plus she would have loved the week in the mountains it was so beautiful." by now jax has is hand on my waist, i needed to get away from him soon. i could always control myself if tay was with us but damn his hand on me was spreading a fire inside of me.

"speaking of tay where is she? im supposed to be meeting her here." i told them "probably the roof." tig said i looked between him and jax a couple times "oh shit. this cant be good. does she have alcohol? were gonna need it wont we, this cant be good." i said worried about my best friend, my sister, my person.

"no darlin its not. you will probably need a bottle shes been up there for a while, alot of shit has gone down since her party." jax told me while having the prospect pass him a bottle of jack and a glass, and a big bucket of ice. "jax will you bring the ice up. who knows after a bit im sure you can come up we can have one of our drinking contests..shit damn it please ignore what i just said" the last part i meant for tig i looked at him with a puppy dog look "jesus yall really are some alcoholics yall drink way too much, not even legally, and nothing but hard liqour.. yall really are samcro kids." he said laughing "just dont get caught and be safe yall know the rules." he patted me on the shoulder before him and happy walked outside.

"whats going on jax? i need a heads up please." i leaned into him whispering "i know about amber and Juilliard amber called me is that it?" he looked at me then look at opie, that told me it had something to do with opie. "i wouldnt even know where to start ly. you just gotta go up there here take my smokes im sure shes already finished hers." he told me slipping his pack in my back pocket.

we climbed up the ladder, we seen tay laying down. we walked over jax put the bucket of ice down and a six pack, he figured tay would want a couple shots then a beer in between. "tay baby got you some goodies. its going to me okay. were all here and gonna fix this. i love you." jax told her bending down to kiss her forehead he stood up and whispered to me "text me if she seems to drunk or yall need me." he had both hands on my hips and kissed me cheek before going down the ladder.

i layed down next to taylor and listened to the music with her. i knew she would talk when she was ready, she was listening to "i fall apart" by post malone. i sat up and poured us both a glass of jack, i held one above her face making sure she could see it, that was my way of asking her if she wanted it without speaking. she sat up and took it. i lit us a cigarette after taking a couple drags i passed it to her. after a couple more glasses of jack she grabbed a beer and lit up a joint. we smoked that in silence. we listened to "can you feel my heart" by bring me the horizon; "dear god" by avenged sevenfold; "i miss you" by blink 182; "swing life away" by mgk with kellin quinn; "alone", "roger rabbit", "with eyes to see and ears to hear", "all my heart" by sleeping with sirens.

"shits so fucked up ly. i just want to dissapear." she finally said. i didnt say anything i just waited for her to continue. she told me everything that has happened sine the saturday after her birthday even what i somehow missed at her party.

"holy fuck tay. thats fucking scary, we should just kill him. fuck opie shit i mean yeah he clearly doesn't deserve you like at all. i knew about new york i was called, im sorry. (i leaned in and whispered the rest so no one could hear) and jesus happy basically said he would fuck the hell out of you right there. jesus i bet that was hot." "oh it was but fuck that would be so wrong. in more than one way." she whispered "i knew amber was gonna be leaving, one of the reasons we never officially started dating or anything. i called her last night before all this shit blew up today and jesus ly i dont know what i did to have her care about me. i dont deserve to have someone with her heart and soul in my life. even though weve fucked each others brains out i dont know how many times besides you and jax shes one of my best friends. we both knew we wouldnt be together. she told me we was good, no hard feelings to be happy and keep in touch" she said.

i was about to say something when jax interrupted "i came up here to check on yall and did not want to hear that. youre kinda loud ill be surprised everyone didnt hear that down there. what was yall whispering about?" he said sitting on the other side of taylor. "its nothing jax." taylor told him. "no i know that tone tell me before i make you tay." he said grabbing a beer. "okay fine ill tell you but you cant get mad ive accepted it and it is what it is." she said. WHAT?! no way was she gonna tell him about what happy said. she grabbed her phone and pulled a picture, and showed him. jax looked at it before looking a tay "what the fuck. oh hell no" jax yelled. i knew what she showed him the picture she took of the printed picture of opie and donna kissing, she grabbed the phone then showed him the video.

"its whatever. idk what really happened. you know it was kyle who sent them i guess he was looking through the window like he was when me and ope were in my bed fuckin. oh also when me and amber were in the pool and my bed. god am i a whore?" she said laughing "no." me and jax both answered "wait what did you just say?!" jax exclaimed once it registered what all tay had said. "yeah me and dad decided not show those pictures theyre pretty clear." taylor said reaching into her bag then passed the pictures to jax. "jesus christ. this is insane. im going to kill him." jax said i could hear the anger in his voice. "yeah thats what i said." i told him passing him the cigarette i just lit up. "if thats what the club votes can i please have a piece. i want to fuck him up." taylor said "ill pass it on cant promise tay" he told her passing the cigarette to her. 

we sat there for a while longer listening to music then decided to go inside and play cards