hard to love

chapter 73

toylors POV

we stared at each other for a minute. i was still holding the letter and my ring. i watched him as he walked towards me. i didn't even realize i was crying until he kneeled down in front of me and wiped the tears off my cheeks.

i wasnt sure what to do or say. he looked at the letter then at my ring and back up at me.

"what is this?" he asked. i knew he wanted to know if i was okay but obviously i wasnt.

i opened my mouth then closed it. i just looked at him "uhh i was going to put my ring in the safe. i couldnt give it back earlier especially in front of everyone. then i seen this mess and started reading the letter. it reminded me how happy i was when i wrote this, how happy WE were or atleast how happy i thought we were. god i was so excited to be marrying you, having your love. then i thought about what you probably felt reading this, how you felt. then i look around this room and see it." i put the letter down.

i grabbed his hand and put my ring in it, i closed his hand and held it for a minute.

"im so sorry opie. i wish so bad that things didnt turn out this way. i was looking forward to the rest of our lives together. god that would have been amazing and crazy too." i whispered as i looked down at his hand.

he just kept looking at me. im sure he didnt know what to say. i could see the tears coming down his face. i slowly reached up and wiped them away. he leaned his head into my touch.

i looked at him, i took in every detail about his face as if it was the last time i would see him. i looked at the small scar he has in his hairline he got when we were kids running around TM, he ran into the hitch of my dads truck. if you didnt know the scar was there you would miss it. i looked at the wrinkles that formed from where he smiled or laughed. i looked into his hazel eyes. one thing i always loved the most about opie was his eyes.

they drew me in, they were the most beautiful eyes ive ever seen. sometimes if the light hit them right they looked golden brown. but the next day or a different angle they could look green, or blue. even sometimes they looked gray.

since he was crying they were blue and it was the most beautiful blue ive ever seen. in the very center around his pupil there was alittle bit of yellow  that faded to the blue.

i never thought we would be here in this moment.

opie hand his hands on the bed on both sides of me. he reached up and grabbed the hand i had on his cheek. he kissed the palm of my hand.

"im so sorry taylor. i would give anything to fix this. god i miss you so much taylor. i know i fucked up god did i fuck everything up. i got caught up in my own head and shit people were saying. its the biggest mistake ive every made. i have no one to blame but myself. you deserve the absolute best from this life please dont ever accept anything less. i wish i was that for you. i love you with everything i have, youre the love of my life taylor, i will always love you, there is no one in this world that could take your place i dont want anyone else. taylor i will always be here waiting for you to hopefully forgive me and come back to me. and if you dont or cant i want you to be happy. you deserve to be happy. i love you so much taylor nicole trager." he told me as he carressed my hand and ran his thumb over my knuckles.

his eyes never left mine as he spoke. i was sobbing, its was probably really ugly but i couldnt help it. i hugged him tight. im pretty sure i was hurting him and possibly cutting off his air but i felt like i couldnt hug him tight enough. he was hugging me just as tight.

we sat there for a few minutes just holding each other. being in his arms i almost forgot all the pain i had.

my mind was screaming for me to leave but i let my heart take control and i kissed him.