hard to love

chapter 61

taylors POV

i walked outside and still didnt see opie. i seem my dad and happy in the ring so i decided to watch for a minute.

kozik walked over and sat next to me "you okay kid?" he asked
"yeah i wanna get in there. i wish it was just all of us so i could fight." i told him stealing his cigarette.

i felt someone watching me i looked around and seen the stupid whore looking at me and kozik.

"you wanna take her in the ring?" he asked me
"nah she wouldnt be good enough of a fight. i need a real fight koz."
"i get that. you know hes on the roof right." he asked me smiling
i looked at him "yeah good for him." i said acting like i didnt care.
"whatever kid. go talk to your old man." he pushed me to stand up
i turned around and hugged him "thanks koz."

i climbed up the ladder to the roof. opie was looking away i walked up behind him. he turned to look, i seen him wipe his eyes real quick.

he was crying. i lit a cigarette and sat down next to him but left some space between us. we both sat there in silence for a minute.

"im so sorry taylor. i fucked up. god im so sorry." he said looking at me. i couldnt look at him. i could see out my peripherals thst he still had tears coming down his face. opie hardly ever cried, even though he fucked up and hurt me i just wanted to make him stop.

"yeah you did. are you sorry cause you let it happen or are you sorry cause you got busted. i knew something was up when happy came back without yall."

"im sorry for it all tay. i couldnt even go through with it. i wanted to tell you as soon as i got back but i didnt want to hurt you. it meant nothing she means nothing taylor. please believe me. i dont even know her name. i got carried away taylor once i came to my senses i kicked her out, hell i went limp before she was out of the room." he pleaded by now he was in front of me on his knees with his hands on either side of me.

"i dont want to hear that shit opie. you should be fucking sorry. its pretty fucked up you done that shit then wanted to fucking ACCUSE ME! fuckin asshole."

"i know babe and im so sorry. i guess i was scared you were gonna leave once you found out. i had a guilty conscience and i thought the worst. i know you wouldnt fuck around tay." he said grabbing my hands he froze

"no. wheres your ring taylor?" he asked as his thumb kept rubbing my finger where my ring has sat since the night proposed, he broke down. "no taylor. please. dont leave me. i cant lose you baby." he put his arms around my waist as best he could and cried into my lap.

i didnt know what to do so i just sat there for a minute. did i want to stay and let him build my trust back up? or am i done?

i put my hands on his back and rubbed for a second before i ran one hand through his hair. i loved his long hair.

"look at me." i whispered

he slowly looked up i kissed him softly. "what you did is not okay. we are not okay opie. damn it opie. i want to hate you for this but i love you way too much. youre gonna have to prove to me that i can trust you again. dont do it again opie i wont forgive you again."

"okay. im gonna do everything i can to prove it to you. i love you with everything i have taylor. im so sorry i know i fucked up ii wont let it happen again."

"you better not have caught something from that whore opie." i told him pushing him back some. i pulled my ring out of my pocket and slipped it back on my finger, i seen him smile a little. he grabbed my hand and kissed my ring.

he moved to sit next to me and pulled me into his side. "i went to the clinic the next day to get checked im clean."

"i was about to say youre not touching me again until you get checked and take some meds." we sat there for a minute he held my hand and twirled my ring, like if he let go i would disappear.

"so jax loves lyla" i said like it was common knowledge. ope look at me asking how i knew that "we could hear yall talking earlier. and you really think there's something going on with happy?" i asked him.

"i think that was just me being paranoid. i dont think theres anything going on. like i said i know you wouldnt do that." he pulled my hand up and kissed it.

"fuckin remember that opie. i mean really hes youre brother. were friends just like im friends with half-sac, and the rest of them. well clay, chibs and bobby are like my uncles. and kozik is technically my god father even though my dad says hes not anymore. hell jax is my brother. you have to remember i grew up with the club just like you did ope. hell ive been friends with them since BEFORE we got together. hell both happy and kip told me to hold out for you and to listen to you when donna showed up here that one day. have a little faith and trust in me opie." i told him

he pulled me into his lap "i know babe. i trust you. i just get in my head sometimes. i know ive been shit and treated you like shit on severeal different occasions and im so sorry. i know you can do better and that scares me. you dont see how beautiful you are. hell every guy that looks at you thinks your hot taylor." he said putting his hands on my hips

i wrapped my arms around his shoulders "you have and im probably stupid for staying but dont do it anymore im serious opie. the next time you even tough or think about touching another girl im done. and i see how alot of guys look at me but that doesnt matter opie cause all i see is you, all i want is you. get through your big head already." i said nudging the side of the head

he chuckled "yeah okay babe. i got it. but thats not the only big head i got." he said moving his hips so i can feel him.

"really. we just barely made up and youre already thinking about that." i woudlnt admit it but so was i

"knowing that youre still mine done that. then you being in my lap madei t a done deal tay." he said leaning in to kiss my neck

i pushed him back a little "hey now youre the one who put me in your lap" i said laughing

"yeah i hoping once you felt me you wouldnt be as mad at me or atleast let me take care of you." he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me.

"oh you want to take care of me huh?" i asked rolling my hips

"hell yeah i do." he said kissing my neck.

i jumped up "okay. you can start by getting me drunk then you can take me home and maybe ill let you then."

he looked shocked. then nodded his head. "lets go get my old lady drunk. you deserve it baby." he kissed me hard and passionately. i almost gave in and fucked him right there but i fought the urge.

we went downstairs and got about five shots each before we grabbed a couple beers and went outside to watch the fights. opie sat down and pulled me into his lap. he kept his hand at the top of my thigh and would rub small circles on the inside which was driving me insane. he kept whispering sweet words in my ear and every now and then he would say something dirty and squeeze my thigh.

we never made it home that night. we barely made it to our dorm where we spent the night getting lost in each other and yelling each others namrles out.