Always & Forever (Nick & Bailey #2)

26. Bailey

"Just promise me you're not going to become one of those couples that break up and get back together a million times," Veronica says as she absentmindedly sifts through the clothing racks in front of her. "And I'm only saying that because of experience. Remember me and AJ?"

I can't hold back my laugh. "Who could forget? I'm pretty sure people are still talking about your fight in the cafeteria junior year."

V shakes her head. "So embarrassing. That boy drove me crazy. Life was so much easier once he graduated, and I didn't have to see him everyday."

I wish I could relate, but this week hasn't been easy. It's been complete hell.

I've been taking extra shifts at work and finding any excuse to stay away from home because the memories are the strongest there, but nothing seems to keep my mind off of Nick.

The ache is constant and unrelenting.

At work, I sit on the lifeguard tower for hours and think about Nick and the night we spent there. When I visit my grandma, she asks me how Nick is doing at school. And while shopping with V, she calls me out on seeming distracted, so I have to tell her about the break.

I guess I didn't have to tell her, but I had to tell someone. I still haven't heard from Mandy—who is normally my boy guru.

"So what should I do?" I ask. We leave the store and sit on a bench in the middle of the mall.

Veronica sighs. "I wish I could give you some advice, but I am shit at relationships."

"I've just never been in this position before. I know I deserve to be treated better, but how do I just walk away?"

"Based on what you've told me, I doubt you will. But I don't think it's a bad idea to give him a little more time. Before this, had you ever told him how upset he made you?"

"Yes," I say quickly. Hadn't I? "I think so."

"Well you have now, definitely. What could one more chance hurt? Now that he knows how you feel." She pats my knee. "You've allowed and enabled him to continue this way, don't do it anymore."

I throw my arm over her shoulders. "I thought you said you wouldn't give good advice, but look at you. You're practically Dr. Phil."

"Well no offense, but this was too obvious."

Yeah, I guess it was.

"Does this mean you are joining us for supper? Or are you leaving again?" My mom asks when I get home.

I don't really have anywhere else to be after bringing V to her house. I was hoping she'd invite me in so I could delay coming home a little longer, but she had a date to get ready for. "Yeah, Mom. Let me just get cleaned up, and I can help you."

I go to my bedroom to drop off my retail therapy and glance in my mirror. I look like shit. I actually can't believe I went to the mall like this. I'm wearing cotton shorts and a cheerleading t-shirt from my sophomore year. I have no makeup on and the bags under my eyes could stock a supermarket. I didn't shower after work and just pulled my hair into a messy ponytail. Maybe I should straighten myself up.

On second thought, why does it matter?

I splash some cold water on my face and head downstairs. I hope Ian's not home, but, of course, he hasn't missed one of my mom's home cooked meals all summer, and he's not starting tonight.

The four of us sit and aren't eating for long before my mom asks, "So when is Nick coming back? I know he's been working a lot but surely he gets a break at some point?"

"I have no idea," Ian says, shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"I think she might have been asking Bailey," my dad interjects.

Ian tilts his head back. "Oh yeah. Good call, Dad."

"I'm actually not sure either," I say quietly, not looking up from my plate. "Soon, probably."

"Are you kidding me?!?" Ian sets his fork down and I see him shift his body towards me. "You broke up already?"

"No! I just don't know his work schedule!" It's technically true.

"Oh yeah? So you're still together but you don't know when you'll see him again? I call bullshit."

"Language!" My mom says.

Ian keeps talking. "You just don't want to admit it. But who broke up with who? And what am I supposed to do now?"

I purposely haven't told my family because of this. It will put them in an awkward position—possibly for no reason. Every day that has passed has made it more and more clear that I need to be with Nick. I just want to give him and myself more time to figure out where we go from here.

"You don't have to do anything," I say to Ian. "Nick and I are fine. I will probably go visit him this weekend."

Ian eyes me suspiciously. "I don't believe you, but okay."

I help my mom with the dishes after supper, and she tells me about her new job at the bank. She was the Vice President of our local bank until Ian and I were born. After that, she said she couldn't imagine not being there for us all the time. And thankfully, my dad's income has always kept us comfortable.

But now that Ian and I are gone, I think she felt like she needed something to occupy her time that didn't involve cheerleading, or student council, or baseball. She's working as a teller now, and I can tell she loves it.

"It's like riding a bike," she says as we're loading the last pot into the dishwasher. "The manager said I caught on faster than any other new employee she can remember."

"That's great. I'm proud of you, Mom."

She smiles at me and turns away. She's always been great at giving compliments and not so great at receiving them.

"I don't know if I ever thanked you for being home with us, Mom. I'm sure it took a lot to give up your career for Ian and I. I don't think I'd be able to do that."

"And you don't have to. But just know that I never thought I would either. It's hard to know what kind of parent you will be until you're there." She wipes a smudge from my cheek. "And you won't be there for a long time."

I laugh with no conviction. If Nick doesn't change his mind, I probably won't ever have kids. I'm surprised that the thought actually makes me sad.

I glance at the clock and see that's it's only eight o'clock. It's too early for bed, but I could use this time to clean my room. It's accumulated quite a lot of clutter while I have been in my haze this week.

I leave my mom and dad to whatever TV show they are currently binging on Netflix and go to my bedroom. I look around at the piles of both clean and dirty clothes, empty cereal boxes, forgotten water bottles and get to work.

This is good work. It gives me something to physically occupy myself with while wrapping my mind around the entire Nick situation.

I love him—of that I have no doubt. But I hate that he doesn't trust me. And I hate that when he gets upset, he always says what he knows is going to hurt me. And Veronica was right—I just need to tell him these things.

I'll call him right now. No! It's only been a week. If I'm going to follow Derek's advice, I need to wait longer. Nick has probably barely been affected yet.

Although this is the same Derek who got so drunk at prom that he barely even made it into the building. Should I really be taking advice from him?

But he's also been a really good friend lately and has my best interest at heart. And his thinking actually made a lot of sense at the time. I'm not going to call. Nick needs more time. Right?

My internal argument is interrupted by a knock on the frame of my open doorway. I look up to see who it is, and the butterflies in my stomach return like an old friend.