Always & Forever (Nick & Bailey #2)

35. Bailey

The moon is shining down and reflecting off the blacktop by the time I'm walking to my car after my meeting—that could have easily been an email.

I asked Ian if he needed a ride, but he's going to a party with some of the other lifegaurds. I may join them later, but first, I want to call Nick and make sure he made it home okay and wish him luck at his RA training tomorrow.

I look down at my phone and my mouth drops open as I see I have twenty-five missed calls--twenty from Nick and five from...Derek?

I also have a few voicemails and text messages, but I don't waste time looking at them. If Nick called me this many times, something bad must have happened.

I tap on his name and listen as the phone rings...and rings...and rings until I hear his generic outgoing message. Why isn't he answering? Is he okay? Is he injured and unable to answer?

All the worst case scenarios run through my head as I hang up and immediately redial. He answers this time after two rings. "Hello."

His voice is so low that I can barely hear him. I picture him crushed below a boulder, unable to project sound. "What's going on, Nick? Are you okay?"

"I guess it depends on what you mean by 'okay.'"

I roll my eyes, already over his passive aggressiveness. He's obviously fine. It's amazing how he has the ability to have me worried for his life one second and want to ring his neck the next. "Are you bleeding? Are in the hospital? Are you able to move your legs?"

"No. No. And Yes. Now I have a question for you. Is there something you need to tell me, Bailey?"

"About what?" I sigh. "Nick, I just got done with the most boring meeting. Can you please just be straight forward with me?"

"Okay. I ran into Derek today."

Shit. No no no no no.

"And he was wondering if you'd be able to bring your parents' couch to the house. You know? The one you're going to be sharing with him?"

"Nick, it's not what you think. I didn't mean to keep it from you. I just never got the chance to tell you." I feel tears coming to my eyes.

"Oh really? This entire summer, you didn't have one, single minute where you could have mentioned that you will be living with him? Oh, and apparently another guy as well? Was his name Patrick?"

It's funny, I'd sort of forgotten about Patrick since Nick's attention has always been so focused on Derek.

"I barely know Patrick."

"So you're living with someone you barely know?"

"Everyone else knows him better than I do. I didn't get to see him as much at school considering I was traveling to see you every weekend."

"That was very thoughtful of you. I guess you won't need to worry about that any longer."

I shake my head even though he obviously can't see me. "Yes I will. I'm still planning on visiting you all the time, just like before. I agreed to this house situation when I thought you and I were done. Before your birthday."

"So you've known the entire time we've been dating?!?"

"I'm sorry, Nick." It's all I have left to say. My eyes are so full of tears that I can't even see my steering wheel. My guilt and my shame aren't able to be suppressed any longer. They are front and center, staring me in the face.

We sit in silence for a long time before Nick finally speaks. His tone is calmer now, almost dejected. "I just don't know what to think right now. I never thought you would lie to me like this, for this long, about something this big."

"I know. But I didn't ever lie to you. You never asked me."

"I didn't think I needed to. And withholding the truth is the same as lying."

I know that. I don't even know why I said it. My mind is mush. There's no way I'll be able to explain myself properly.

"Nick, I think we should talk about this in person, after we've calmed down a little. I'm coming to see you the day after tomorrow. We can talk then. I'll explain myself and the situation, and we can work through this. I know we can. I'm so sorry."

I hear heavy breathing coming through his end of the phone. He's really trying to keep calm, and I'm oddly proud of him.

"Fine, Bailey. I need to sleep anyway, not that I'll be able to."

"I love you."

He hangs up.

I throw my phone into the passengers seat, cover my face with my hands and cry and cry...and cry.

When I finally feel composed enough to drive, all the windows have completely fogged up. I groan and start the car. While I'm waiting for the defrost to work it's magic, I think about the last time Nick and I had a fight like this. We took a break that time. Is that what he will he want?

I lied. I betrayed. I avoided. I was wrong.

How had I been able to justify this all this time? All I cared about was making sure Nick wasn't upset. I wanted to shield him, protect him, like no one else had ever done for him. I didn't want to disappoint him.

And now I wouldn't blame him if he never wants to see me again.

And as always, thank you for reading and voting if you like it! Some big stuff is coming up for these two, and I hope you all don't hate me when it goes down 😂